Reerorata's Dear Diary

Index

November 11, 2024

Is it wrong to need someone? I'm tired of trying loving myself.I'm tired of loving alone.Is it a sin to ask for a hand?Is it a sin to get help from a person? Is it a sin to need someone who makes me feel loved???Why should I always need to learn less

There's no such thing as a good ending. Until few days ago , maybe for a long time I lived I survived my life in the hope that one day I'll get a good ending. Like if I already got a bad start and bad middle , bad memories and maybe in future , I thought at the end I'll get a good ending, I'll find a home one day. But now I realised even though I got a bad start or bad life rn, it doesn't mean I'll get a good ending like in movies. I'm just suffering for the sins I might've done in my last life or in this life. Maybe I don't deserve a good ending. I don't have any hope. I'll never find a home. I know. What's the point in living with a hope? It's not hope, it's just being Delusional. I'm afraid to die too. Let's say, my sins that I don't know gets neutralized just by I'm living in miseries. And even if I deserve to go to heaven, I'm afraid that "what if heaven too will feels like hell". I don't wanna die then again go to hell. I don't wanna live to again living in hell. I don't know what to say so I'll just end my convo now.

October 16, 2024

I realised that, I'm been using: I don't know ,What shall I do? , I can't ,I want it to stop ...... Words a lot.

September 19, 2024

Dear God ... I want to go home. Build a home for me where I can find peace. I lost myself. I don't know who I am? Everyone started hurting me. But as you know, it's always from the loved ones, the pain. Everyone started blaming me. That made me bla

September 02, 2024

Oh god , please take me with you. I don't belong anywhere here. I can't live in a void. I didn't have any reason to live. I'm tired of seeing same things again and again. I don't wanna live. The thing is I really didn't live. I just survived. I beg y

July 30, 2024 I'm scared. I'm scared of people. I'm scared of my family. They make me sad. Why am I a victim of their inconvenience? People are scary. What should I do? Do money can solve anything??? Whatever in both ways people aren't happy with themselves and with their family. I want to have a home. Why I feel homeless when I'm in my house with my own family. I don't know. Do my parents love me? I know they don't show their love becoz they don't love themselves. What shall I do for that? I'm scared of people becoz of them. Why am I getting those horrible flashacks whenever I started to cry? Idk. Idk. Idk. I want to be loved but it feels like I'm being selfish? I think I gave all of my love to people who hurts me. What shall I do? Wanting something feels like a crime. I can't differentiate between wanting And being greedy !! I thought I can trick myself by thinking about someone I want to be with exists in my reality. I thought I can be happy. I laugh a lot. But I want to be happy !! Is it too much to ask for? God, I'm tired of the lessons you gave me. I can't even fake happiness. I'm of everything that goes wrong always. Think I got lost in a world where I don't exist. I don't feel like I'm existing. I'm tired.

July 28, 2024 "What does it feel like when you're not included?" Is it more painful for someone who knows how does it feel and makes everyone feel included? I feel like I became an "left behind person". Now I realised why sushant singh committed suicide ... I feel so low. It's not a single time. I'm tired. I want to live and not just survive. I hate people. I hate me for being good to people.

What shall I do? If I'm sad? I'm struck somewhere. There's so many things circling around my mind. I should do something rn. But I can't get my mind back. I know, I can't change everything overnight. I want to work hard.I don't wanna be dumb.Suddenly

If you feel like you are shivering, out of control, or your hands are shaking, then use nail polish and draw hearts on your nails or on the nails of someone beside you. It helps you to be calm :) It really helped me.

May 13, 2024 If you can't have it, then why does God make you want to have it?

May 12, 2024, 12.43 And I'm thinking bout you.

Dear Diary, I don't know. Bad things won't hurt me. Good ones do. It doesn't hurt me but that doesn't mean I forget. It hurts me but that doesn't mean it won't made me happy. I loved the wrong person. No, I saw the wrong person at late time.

May 09, 2024 Which one would be hard to forget? Good memories or bad memories?

Hey rick, I'm finding myself day by day. 1. When I feel something is not good. When feel uncomfortable in a place. When I don't want to be in a place, but have to be in there for sometime and can't leave suddenly and if I'm anxious. I would say:

Hey rick 👋. Hi !! Let me tell you what I feel today..I saw a movie which I wanted to watch long time ago. It's called "Hasee toh phasee" 💓Here's my new thoughts..I want someone to be with me always. A friend?If I get a life partner one day,I want h

Hey rick 👋, hi. Tell me what I feel? How I feel? Could you feel me? I don't know what I felt. I joined in a band. At 1st day I'm so nervous in our band. And I didn't noticed him that much. I know he's there. That guitar guy. He's a stranger that day