March 01, 2025 : Afraid of what?

I'm afraid I might gonna live my life like my mother.

I told her to change. She's not stubborn she just can't change her past or change her true self. 

I'm afraid if I shout at her in anger for "giving space to get stepped on by her own husband", she might feel blamed on for what she can't do in her past or for being who she is. 

I'm afraid when I started to think that what if I happen to live like this? 

Not talking back, not talking for myself, staying quiet even after I did nothing wrong, being called dumb just because I couldn't control anything that's uncontrollable, being shouted and yelled at for his moodswings, nodding and accepting he's right even though he's not, taking up every damn words with getting teeth. 

I'm afraid I might gonna live like every bike ride he gives is gonna be hell.

I'm afraid I'm gonna get suppressed or have to suppress my feelings , emotions and pain for someone else. 

I'm afraid that I might get afraid for asking help from my husband just like my mother. 

I'm afraid that I might gonna use "idk", "what should I do?" Again and again and again and again to myself in future just like I did now.