Dear God ...
I want to go home. Build a home for me where I can find peace. I lost myself. I don't know who I am? Everyone started hurting me. But as you know, it's always from the loved ones, the pain.
Everyone started blaming me. That made me blame myself, doubt myself. They blamed me,
for not praising their efforts. Blamed me that I
Couldn't able to hide my feelings.
Blamed me that I
Didn't put on a fake smile.
Blamed me that I'm
Not expressing what I feel
Blamed me that I
Hide my anger for them
And then
Blamed me that I'm
Not people pleasing anymore,
Easy going anymore
Blamed me that I
Became Sensitive
Blamed me that I'm
Being too stubborn
Blamed me that I'm
Being too stubborn to say sorry
Blamed me that I'm
Being too stubborn to admit that I'm wrong just because I can't control myself,
Blamed me that I'm
Too stubborn to say that they were right and I'm wrong,
Why should I must feel wronged just because I showed what I felt,
Why should I must feel wronged just
Because I showed that I'm not happy.
I too got hurt,
Why they won't think of me too?
Why they don't thought about what I felt too?
Is it because I don't tell them like others do?
Should I need to explain in order to get their attention?
I don't need that attention where I need to explain why they hurt me and why I acted that way.
I don't need that attention where I need to accept that feeling something, feeling hurt and showing that is wrong.
I'd rather be alone than proving than I'm not wrong.
Why should I?
Why can't I be myself?
I got feelings too
I too make efforts
Fine.
Even though they made me feel like
I'm not included anymore,
I'm not one of them,
I'm not in their family,
I'm not in their stories,
I'm not in their giggles and laughs,
I'm not in their life,
I'm fine..
I'll be fine one day..
I'd rather be who I am and get hurt,
Than being who they want me to and get hurt.
I'm lonely now
But I'll be fine one day right?
I'll become numb to the pain right?
I'll learn to be happy alone right?
I'll be happy for who I am right?
I told my friend: my family hurts me and made me that I don't have a family.
She (my friend) knows they are my family. I told her their friendship is my world. I asked then why my world abandoned me?
She told me: why did you consider us your world?