March 30, 2025 it's another day. But I want it to end.

Everyone arround me are winning.

But I can't do anything. 

I feel like I'm a failure.

I can't makemy parents proud.

I can't be useful.

I'm useless.

I lost everyone.

Friends became strangers. Parents were already strangers even though they are living with me.

I don't wanna disappoint my parents.

No one wants me.

I can't even rant to anyone.

I thought I got a friend who listens and takes care of me.

But due to some things distance came between us.

And now my friend said: you can tell me anything if you come and talk to me, I'll listen. 

But I asked him: do I affect you? Cuz I always come with negative energy. Be frank and tell me. Yes I'm down and if I come up with that energy to you at morning you'll feel down right? Atleast a bit? 

He said: it depends on what you talking. If you feel neg, go to someone who answers you when you call or text them. Idk. And he left chat without saying anything. After few mins he texted: I'm going to sleep.

I think I'm no longer a good person.

I can't even rant to people cuz I'll make their day down. 

I'm affecting their positive energy too.

I'm not longer useful to anyone.

I feel sorry for everything.

I really wanted to talk to someone.

But I can't.

I'll make them down and affect their day. 

It's been three days that I sleep late. 

I decided to sleep because airpods charge went out. Or else I didn't slept at all.

I don't wanna sleep at night. 

It's not because I'm having thoughts and stuff at all.

It's because I don't want mornings. 

I don't want tomorrow.

I don't want another day. Same day.

I kept crying randomly.

I'm feeling so guilty that I hurt everyone.

Two days before, I drew a star in my inner thigh with a blade. 

A tiny star.

I drew a line last year on my wrist with blade. I thought It'll comfort me. 

But if does nothing.

I don't know how many stars I'm gonna draw everytime I don't wanna live.

I'm sorry.

I can't stop saying "idk", "what do I do?".

I asked God to be with me.

He left me..

He didn't answered me.

I know i kept complaining and not doing anything.

I tried to become happy.

I tried to take care of me.

But I want to stop.

I can't fake happiness.

I'm tired of faking smile.

I can't fool myself.

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry I'm struck.

I'm sorry that I didn't do anything to come out.

I'm sorry.

Idk who to talk rn.

Idk if I affect you by writing this and letting you see this.

I'm sorry.

Don't feel down. I'm sorry.