J10262's Dear Diary

August 27, 2022
Dear Diary, Another sleepless night. Staff here think i have formed a habit, but I thinks its more than that, I have been a wake at 12, 1, and now at 4:40. This is not a habit. I would love to go down stairs and have a cup of tea but the staff have b
Aug 27
August 23, 2022
Dear Diary, Well I'm about to go onto psychiatric care tonight. I don't know for how long but I think its theroght place to be in at the moment. I have to let go and allow others in my life that can help me through this time and not just me strugglin
Aug 23
August 16, 2022
Dear Diary, I was going out to kill myself today but instead a took some Diazepam which calmed me down a bit took my mind off it by listening to music. It might seem a bit drastic and meany won't know why someone can thi k like that but when you fe
Aug 16
August 16, 2022
Dear Diary, It's a great time of dark depression, so dark I don't want to live. There seems no point I it 😕. I can't be that person and I never will. I've made some very bad decisions and choices in my life that's been so wrong and now I live with
Aug 16
August 16, 2022
Dear Diary,another great dark depression today. Nothing has any meaning, life has no meaning. How did I get into this state? There was a time when I was fine but those days are long gone. All I'm doing now is living in the shadows.
Aug 16
August 14, 2022
Dear Diary, At King's Church in Newport. This is the only place I feel close to God at the moment. I know I fall far from being what I want to be in God, but I know God draws me close to Him.  We are a free church! All tradition and pretence go's
Aug 14
August 08, 2022
Dear Diary, Now look, here I go again, catastrophing and blowing all things out of proportion, a moment of cognative dysfunctional thinking. I see myself a far different person that others say I am. But thats what happens when for all of your adult l
Aug 08
August 08, 2022
Well once again I'm off work and will be, at least until this side of Christmas. A lot of people reading this will have no idea about mental health, and certainly no clue about bipolar disorder. Well that's what I have. It will never leave me and, if
Aug 08
November 10, 2021
Dear Diary, today I'm really bad. I hate everything about today, I wish I wasn't here. Sometimes life sucks it just doesn't make sense.
Nov 10
November 08, 2021
Dear Diary, When I considered all His ways I remember I am but a partical of dust blowing in the wind, a tiny blade of grass that's here today and gone tomorrow, a speck in the vast fathom of time and space, yet He gives consideration to me and is ac
Nov 08
November 07, 2021
Dear Diary ... Why is it that I hide myself deep inside the depth of my soul? Is it because I know people will see that I am different? The world has no place for me. I hate the person I am. Am I never to know the sunlight on my back or the cold on
Nov 07
October 31, 2021
Dear Diary, I am totally against Halloween with all its dress up and getting fancy but if only people would know what's behind it and it's real meaning I think they might think again. Way back in time it was associated with a religion, black mass and
Oct 31
October 24, 2021
Dear Diary, up again at 3:30am this morning, I can't steep and I'm in constant pain just under my left side ribs. I'm now spiralling down to an all time low. My moods and behaviour are becoming difficult to manage and again I have been told to take t
Oct 24
October 23, 2021
Once I was lovely, and once I was kind. Once I was benevolent and once I was not. Once I had joy and once dispair. I can be all things to all people but I can't find myself. Once I had virtue, and once i had hate. Once my life had impetus and order a
Oct 23
October 22, 2021
Dear Diary, I feel that my life isn't my own anymore. I don't know who to trust, I think every one is talking about me or not believing in the things I'm saying. I speak but no one seems to hear, I call but no one seems to come. I belive that every t
Oct 22