Xhopefulprincess's Dear Diary

Index
May 31, 2020
I'm a mess. I don't know what I want right now. I do know I want to stop having period cramps.  I'm lonely and sad. I want to make friends, but the only people I'm interested in talking to, really, are male and the conversation always goes sexual, ev
Jun 01
May 29, 2020
I want to get married someday. I don't want any big ceremony or anything fancy. But gosh, I can't wait to see my wedding dress. Here's an example of a dress I'd love:
May 29
May 28, 2020
I wish finding the motivation to take a shower was easier. I like the feeling of being clean afterwards, but there's so much effort I have to put into doing stuff before a shower and then washing my hair is such a huge hassle. It takes at least 10 mi
May 28
May 27, 2020
I found the straw that broke the camel's back and this is the final installment of Jon updates.  Content warning: adult/sexual themes. Monday night, the 25th, I finally told Jon that I'm done waiting around on him.  I just want to be loved and yeah I
May 27
May 25, 2020
I know that I said, "So pretty much I guess Jon and I are done," but for some reason I just don't want to give up on him. He hasn't really given me anything to hang my hope on, so I don't know why I'm stilling hanging on. I asked him on Saturday (23r
May 25
May 22, 2020
I did a good deed today and it made me feel good. I don't want to make a facebook post or anything because I don't really want to be recognized for it.  A friend of mine that I used to have benefits with was messaging me last night or the night befor
May 22
May 19, 2020
So pretty much I guess Jon and I are done. 🤷‍♀️ I'm tired of waiting on him. I'm tired of crying.  I just finished looking through the likes I had received on Facebook dating before muting that service. I matched with a few of them and we will see h
May 19
May 17, 2020
He said he needs time to figure stuff out. Okay whatever. He's had time. At this point I feel like I should just tell him "never mind, forget it." How long he has taken to make up his mind shows that he already made it up. He's just trying to find a
May 18
I needed to hear this.
I found this post on facebook today and I feel like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like some of my trauma has been healed or resolved. A screenshot of the post is at the bottom of this entry. I recommend reading it first for context be
May 15
May 15, 2020
Of course my day with Jon went well on the 13th, but then I had to potentially ruin it today (technically yesterday).  I decided that I'd confront him about his befriending of young girls on facebook and how it made me a little uncomfortable.  I told
May 15
May 13, 2020
An update on the Jon situation. So he actually did give me his address last night, albeit reluctantly. He also told me that he isn't hiding anything and there's no reason to not trust him. I mean, whatever, anyone can say that, but how adamant he was
May 14
May 12, 2020
I don't think he is being completely honest with me.  I (f23) have been "seeing" Jon (m35) for a month. We met through facebook dating on April 6 and have been chatting since. Due to stay-at-home orders, we have yet to see each other. He seems to
May 12