September 19, 2021


I have been so completely overwhelmed with anxiety. My first day of work as a self-checkout person was awful. (September 17th)

I have a lovely coworker and she helped me so much and was so nice to me. She was an absolute blessing. 

Some higher-ups criticized me for doing what I was supposed to be doing and told me that I need to be more friendly and outgoing despite not even having seen me interact with customers.

I cried. I tried not to, but it was unavoidable. 

My stomach has felt awful for several days. I did a google to see if there's any connection between anxiety and pooping and THERE IS. I thought it might have just been my body's reaction to stress and anxiety but I'm a little relieved to know it's a common thing. I still hate it though. 

I'm sitting in the breakroom right now, waiting to clock in to hell. Having to wait an hour before clocking in does not help my anxiety in any way. My belly still feels like it's in knots despite already doing a number two before I left the house.

J woke up while my dad and I were getting ready and he said he's going to miss us so much. How am I supposed to want to go to work when he's saying that and he's been so cuddly with me the past two days? 

Today is Sunday so that means there's going to be a rush of people this morning. People will come here to get groceries after church and pick up food/supplies for the football game(s) today.

I suppose with the way my belly is feeling I'm gonna end up having to poop on my break and I really don't want to do that (again). I'd rather poop in the comfort of my own home.

I wish I could get more cuddles from J when I go home, but he's gotta go home himself. 

The poor boy's allergies are bothering him pretty bad. At least, we hope it's allergies. Lots of sneezing and runny nose. 

I hope today goes as easily as possible but I don't see it happening. 

21 minutes until I can clock in. I'm gonna try to keep myself distracted.