December 31, 2021

Da got me sick on my birthday last Saturday. He didn't have anything too bad and neither did I but I still lost my voice. I worked the two days after my birthday and then after work on Monday, Da and I had a little hotel vacation. It was pretty nice except I was on my period and I could barely talk. We watched some Pokemon and the two Tom Holland Spiderman movies that have been released. We plan to see the third one in theaters soon. 

Back to my birthday; it wasn't a bad day. It sucked that Da couldn't stay very long due to me going to work in the morning. He got me a few things that I had wanted; Pokemon earrings, a Pokemon keychain, the Dragapult Prime box, a Hatsune Miku and a Sailor Moon shirt I saw him buy at the mall a while back (wow what a surprise lol), a penguin ornament from a Christmas show he went to with his family, a bootleg Sailor Moon figure I found on eBay (yikes, it looked worse than the image in the listing, but that's not Da's fault, it's on me), and probably some other things, too, I just can't remember it all. It's been a week since then. He also gave me some money for a tattoo.

Anyway, after our 3-night stay at the hotel, I came back home and no one was there. I had a few minutes of peace and unpacking before my mom and grandma came back home and I remembered how much I hate living here. My grandma didn't say anything to me, but she did tell my mom she was worried about me going into her room while I was home by myself. Big sigh. Then she was complaining about how she can't enjoy her own house and she "should just move into a shack" so she could enjoy herself or something. Idk it was stupid and doesn't make sense. She owns this house and no one is stopping her from doing what she wants. She's probably mad because she can't use our rooms as storage. 

Living with her is just so upsetting and she doesn't understand it at all. She's completely blind to what she's doing. It's hard as hell to live with someone who accuses you (and your dad) of stealing her stuff or at the very least moving her things around just to piss her off. 

My dad wishes that we had our own place and that we never moved in with her. I've been looking at houses for sale and found a couple that are pretty decent looking. My mom says she doesn't think we can afford it and she said, "what about mama? Who's going to take care of her?" I really don't know what to say or do about that. I mean honestly she makes me want to kill myself. I don't want to live with her anymore. I can't really say that I care a whole lot about what would happen to her if we moved out. She's treating me and my dad like shit and I think she's starting to act badly towards my mom as well. 

I mean, I guess I could look for a smaller house just for me and Da but I don't know if we would be able to afford anything with just the two of us. 

I just really don't know what to do. Every option seems like shit.