Still Alive's Dear Diary

Index
June 04, 2025
Good morning, dear diary. Today I’ll have a busy day, full of different things to do… But I’m writing to you because I’m lacking attention and love. I just want to speak and have someone listen. You’ll be that someone. I notice that men find me
Jun 04
Same routine...
I caught myself thinking what a trap routine is. While going through it, you expect that one day the long-awaited moment will finally come. But a new day just begins. With each day, you’re closer to the grave than to your expectations. The days are a
May 29
Strange/Christine/Clea
Strange/Christine Dear Diary, I associate myself with Dr Strange sometimes… So I rewatched the movie with Doctor Strange, and his love for Christine is… sounds like sweet talk or empty flattery. It is so sad to watch how in every universe they can’t
May 15
Such a CRAZY dream
Dear Diary, I will tell you about my dream I had last night…  I’m still in shock and want to write it down before I forget… I’ll divide it into chapters. Reading it will make it clear why. It’s not uncommon for me to see myself as someone else in a
May 13
May 13, 2025
Emptiness She feels loneliness, not the usual kind, but the kind that consumes everything. Thick, like fog, soaking into her bones and making everything inside go cold. It’s not just a wave of sadness, not just a passing mood… It’s something dee
May 12
“Good night”
Every evening, they were together: in a place without streets, without rooms, without distance. Only two chat windows glowing quietly in the dark. They wrote to each other about everything and nothing: about books no one else quite understood, a
May 11
Dear Diary,
I really did delete my entries. I wanted to erase everything, as if the feelings, the memories, and that heavy, lingering exhaustion would disappear along with the pages. I opened each entry, said a silent goodbye… and still, I reread them. I couldn’
May 11
September 19, 2019
Dear Diary, Manon came over out if the blue the other day n hung out for a couple hours. We got along like two friends do. We talked about a few things n we agreed on a few things. Then i send him a casual text. Thwn another one. He was ignoring me a
Sep 19
September 18, 2019
Dear Diary, when I finally decided to tell Manon goodbye for good. That's when he decides it's time to come hang out with me. It was a little tense at first but then loosened up. I love him n I love being with him. It does make me really sad when he
Sep 18
September 15, 2019
Dear Diary, I actually said goodbye to Manon tonight n I meant it. I have to let go. I'm only hurting myself. It hurts like hell. I was hanging on to any thread. But it's been so many years it's so hard to accept it. All I'm doing is pushing him fart
Sep 16
September 15, 2019
Dear Diary, and again I found an excuse to text Manon. A few times n it's not even noon yet. Of course no reply. N this is when I start getting angry. N if I let myself I can build myself up onto a total psycho bitch stage. I dont understand it. Cuz
Sep 15
September 14, 2019
Dear Diary, sometimes I just go nuts with Manon n his new girlfriend only a block away. I want to go up there n spy n maybe see him. I honestly hope I'll see them arguing. It really doesnt matter though. It only leaves me feeling even more lonely tha
Sep 15
September 14, 2019
Dear Diary, after friends leave n u know no more will b coming by is when the loneliness starts creeping in. It's when I want to text Manon. And I usually do. But i have to stop cuz it's just setting me up to get hurt. He ignores me, isnt even a frie
Sep 15
September 12, 2019
Dear Diary, started seeing this guy a little while ago n it turns out he was just playing me. It took alot for me to trust someone again after Manon left me like he did. Now this guy is just a fucking dog. Are there any good men left in the world or
Sep 12
September 09, 2019
Dear Diary, I got my moms death certificate today. Makes it seem much more real. We had our differences but I loved my mom very much. Some of my friends dont understand because she wasnt always the nicest. But she raised 5 kids alone so I think she d
Sep 10
September 07, 2019
Dear Diary, one of the hardest things for me to deal with since Manon left me is that there is no reason for doing anything. When he was here I did things because of him, around him n for him. Now I dont care.
Sep 07
September 06, 2019
Dear Diary, another night barely any sleep. I used to wake up n cry missing my cat of 15 years who passed away. Then I would wake up n cry because my boyfriend of almost 20 years left me. Just when I think I will b able to sleep night n have a good m
Sep 06
September 06, 2019
Dear Diary, am feeling extremely empty n lonely. I've lost alot. It's not just losing a boyfriend/friend of all these years. It's the unspoken plans. The knowledge that ass hole as he could b he would b there at the end of the day. Not even thinking
Sep 06
September 05, 2019
Dear Diary, I have tried to get him to answer a message or a phone. I don't know why I do this to myself. Cuz now I sit here crying. I cant stand when he ignores me. It drives me nuts then I do stupid shit which just makes him ignore me more. It's a
Sep 05
September 05, 2019
Dear Diary, I wrote massive texts to my x last night. None of them mean or loving. Still trying to hold onto that friendship I thought we had for the past 20 years.
Sep 05
September 04, 2019
Dear Diary, things r still a mess as far as the will goes. All I want is a little piece of my mom to hold dear. But my niece has all of her things n I have no idea why. I think she is the one that got everything all screwed up.  I have got to get ov
Sep 04
September 01, 2019
Dear Diary, I always thought things would get easier as we got older. When in all actuality it gets harder. My life is always such a mess.
Sep 01