June 06, 2022

 

Dear Diary,

In my point of view as humans, dignity must've been the most crucial thing and being stripped away from it by any means it could lead to many harmful thing but the most important thing is losing respect to yourself. 


I grew up in a household were respect is the main factor , respecting your eldest even if it meant to be stripped  out your own dignity. I was always told when my eldest siblings are talking to me even if they’re wrong I’m supposed to keep my voice down , never talk back nor look into their eyes cause that is disrespectful. 

Being the youngest member of this huge family I’ve always had a problem with that concept because In my believes respect should be earned and mutual and you can imagine how that went every time I step up for myself. 


I really don’t know from where my siblings got that mutated definition of respect cause I’m quite sure they didn’t get it from my parents. 

You see I have the most loving parents and I’m blessed to have them and I hate that whenever I used to get physically abused  for standing for my rights I used to put the blame on them meanwhile they’re as helpless as I am . Imagine that I’m the youngest and I’m 22 years old while On the other hand my eldest brother is 36 I know that my mum won’t be able to stand up for him cause she’s old herself and it hurts her as much it hurts me seeing these actions from her own children and wondering what possibly went wrong while rising them . 


Dear diary I’m writing this 2 hours after getting abused by my eldest brother and I’m writing this with pride cause I stood up for him I fought back even tho my small punches and pushes are nothing in comparison to his fists and beating but I’m proud of myself for being disrespectful if that’s what it meant to him . HI’m proud of you little warrior  even tho your writing this with tears it’s okay you saved your dignity otherwise if you let it pass you would’ve hated yourself .  

 

Iloveyou. 

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