I'm playing chess with this guy from the Netherlands—super cute—who happens to have the same name as the bastard who ripped my heart out last year. It turns out I messaged him 9 months ago.
My messages were:
Johannes...
Why?
Do you not think of me anymore?
Ich hasse dich.
After that, I abandoned the account and only this week, when I opened it again, did I read his reply.
"Whoo"
Hmm.. I suppose an owl sound to my theatrics is completely understandable. It was sent eight months ago—so, a month after I sent those dramatic messages. That’s when I read the evidence of the folly of my sorrow. The things I wanted to say to Johannes, I couldn't... so I said them to a stranger who bore his name instead.
Of course, those were darker days. The anguish—while it can still brew a tempest on some days—has mellowed down now, at least in a general sense. So I laughed at my madness and sent a fresh message:
"Hahaha hello"
But he’s not interested in talking. Frankly, I don’t care.
Him: “Que”
Me: “Porque”
Him: “Queen”
Me: “Kiki”
Still, I challenged him nonetheless, since a match with him was recommended on my homepage. And the bastard is cheating. So fuck him.
Update: If I take another move, it’s over for me. Comparing his rating to mine, it is clear he is inferior. However, my arrogance refuses to admit that the impulsive nature of my calculations may be at fault. He surely has help. I’ve come across plenty of users like that—and only when the system notifies me about it do I get confirmation, saying they’ve adjusted my rating as compensation. But since this game allows each player three days to make a move, cheaters could easily go undetected. So fuck him.
I'll leave the game hanging and he’ll never hear from me again. Or, I could mess with him—move my queen to E8 for a check, then back to where it was before. Over and over again. A dance of pettiness until it’s forced into a draw. But I don’t think I have the energy to be that immature right now.
At least if I just let the time run out, he still gets the victory. Perhaps he's not cheating at all and that I just truly suck.
Besides, even though there are worse players than me, I’m really not that good and that’s exactly why it pisses me off because I can’t stop playing either. Grr.
With this frustration, I suddenly dreamt of Rollo—the guy who basically sparked my long-standing desire to learn chess in the first place, because he loved the goddamn game.
And despite how it boils my blood, it’s still pretty addictive. Like a toxic ex I am perpetually drawn to and can never seem to leave. Pretty much how I feel about my Johannes.
Lol.
"My".
Fuck him the most.