Real Life of a Farm Wife's Dear Diary

Index
Look at this picture and tell me what you see. I see how my life must be. What it's become. I'd love if these tacos were carne asada from a food truck. But, sadly I can't do things like that anymore without paying a terrible price. Hopefully again one day. In this photo I see food as a labor of love. I grew those black beans, I picked them in the blazing sun, and undoubtedly shelled them while watching naked and afraid in my recliner this summer. I milked, cooked down and eventually turned them into gluten free shells that hold their shape perfectly . I picked the eggplant from my garden, grew the bell peppers, tomatoes. The salmon sadly wasn't mine...but it was wild caught. The lime....that was from Sandis tree. I picked it on her 6week anniversary of being gone. It was delicious.
Sep 06
September 06, 2023
Headaches with Skyrizi I got my first Skyrizi 8/23. In the last week I've had 3 puking migraine days. Base of skull mostly, but some that spread across front. Taking zofran and smoking a lot to try to help with nausea. Sunday I wretched so much all t
Sep 06
I'm so mad. I don't know how to be strong. It doesn't matter how much therapy I have. I acknowledge I do not accept my diseases. I think when you are sick, you'll get better. So, I hold out hope. Thinking I am going to recover. Because if recovery isn't possible, why would anyone ever choose the other way? Being sick sucks. Being sick every fucking day of your life is nearly impossible to handle. I don't care who you are. I tell myself this is my burden, this is my cross I must bare to get to live this life I've been blessed with. I don't deserve this life and I don't feel I'm doing it justice. I know I need to be brave and face this head on. It's just exhausting. I cry alone in secret everyday. I rally in front of my friends and family as much as I'm able....if anyone could understand what it feels like to be in my shoes. I don't know how others handle it. Maybe I need a support group.
Sep 04
When I pick the Okra Least week picking the okra the devil was there trying to bring me down. He had me thinking I should slit my wrists, just do it fast and go to sleep in the itch rows, that the farmer wouldn't find me until I'd drifted off to sleep. Tonight I'm picking the okra, looking around... thinking what I regularly do. That holy cow, what did I ever do to deserve this. I have been blessed with far more abundance than I deserve. When I have my moments I need to remember that it's just the devil talking. Perspective is everything. Its interesting the things that you think about while picking the okra. Used to be the same when I was milking. Man that was a labourous chore for those 7yrs, but I don't regret them. Maybe again one day.
Aug 21
My final Zeposia
Last night was my final Zeposia dose. I've got my 1st Skyrizi infusion at the big city hospital on Wednesday. My Person is taking me. I insisted to her I didn't need a driver, but she said It's what you do for family, and I replied inner circle to he
Aug 21
If I fixed my head
If I fixed my head, would my body be healed?Is the power of positivity real?Is mind over matter really possible?  My MS is flaired, and I'm down today. The Farmer helped me get spaghetti in the freeze dryer and I went with him to water the sheep. I h
Aug 17
That Sunday in May
6am that Sunday in May, we called my Cousin in Knoxville, I said I'd decided to end my suffering and the farmer was taking me to the hospital, that we needed someone to tend the children. She said she was on her way. I couldn't stop crying. I was so
Aug 16
That Thursday in May...
I am on week 4 day 3 of the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD). It sucks. I legit have got a tattoo of a donut on my ankle, your girl likes carbs and has never stuck to a diet in her life! I want to live. Two months ago I didn't, but the person, wi
Aug 16