I'm so mad. I don't know how to be strong. It doesn't matter how much therapy I have. I acknowledge I do not accept my diseases. I think when you are sick, you'll get better. So, I hold out hope. Thinking I am going to recover. Because if recovery isn't possible, why would anyone ever choose the other way? Being sick sucks. Being sick every fucking day of your life is nearly impossible to handle. I don't care who you are. I tell myself this is my burden, this is my cross I must bare to get to live this life I've been blessed with. I don't deserve this life and I don't feel I'm doing it justice. I know I need to be brave and face this head on. It's just exhausting. I cry alone in secret everyday. I rally in front of my friends and family as much as I'm able....if anyone could understand what it feels like to be in my shoes. I don't know how others handle it. Maybe I need a support group.