That Sunday in May
6am that Sunday in May, we called my Cousin in Knoxville, I said I'd decided to end my suffering and the farmer was taking me to the hospital, that we needed someone to tend the children. She said she was on her way.
I couldn't stop crying. I was so scared to continue, to not take the easy way out. I had this new friend. She intimidated me with her perfection. I'd met her 18 mths before at a school thing but I truly didn't think I was good enough for her so we had been taking our friendship slowly. I had this feeling I needed to call her. I sent her a text and said " this is a big text from a new friend". And I repeatedwhat I'd told my cousin. Later that friend (we will call A) said she started crying and asked her husband why I had texted her that.
Shortly after she showed up at my house and hugged me. We both talked and cried and she said that God still wanted me here and she did too.
830 am my cousin showed up. We cried and she said she'd researched on her way down. The Farmer and I left. After a tearful goodbye to the children, telling them mommy was going to the hospital and would see them soon. They were used to hospital trips so it didn't phase them much.
By the time we reached the big city my MS symptoms were increasing and I was unable to see from my right eye. I barely walked in with my cane and told them I'd decided to end my suffering. They brought me right back. I had to repeat my story to countless people and cried more than I have in a long time.
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