December 17, 2021

Dear Diary, I miss him. 

His chinese, I can’t speak mandarin. I try my best to learn chinese and got master degree in china, just because of him. 

All activities, all my dream, and all my future. I thought that is him. I really love him so damn much. But i forgot, he not really in love with me. 

Since corona virus in Indonesia, we have to ldr. I’m in semarang while he in jakarta. I still busy about college stuff and he busy about work. 

Is also 1 year i’m not meet him. He just texted me when he feels horny. I feel like I’m just his sex doll. Hahaha is funny isn’t? I’m really stupid. 

Our relationship is already 4 years, but he still doesn’t know me at all. He never asks what i like, he doesn’t want to hear anything for my mouth. Even when i texted him, he just replay 1 word until now. Gosh this is sooo fucking funny. Why I’m still holding this relation?

I can’t move on easily. I can’t think about another boy just to replace him. I can’t!!!

My friends called me stupid but they doesn’t know what i feel. Everyday even everytime in my fucking life, I think about him and he doesn’t.