March 26, 2026
The leaves fell from the trees in waves, and once they were in the air they just kind of... Lingered there. The cold wind was freezing my head, the sound of the rushing waterfall blocked everything else out. When I looked at the moss covered stones, the space between the trees and the paths etched by millions of footsteps all I wanted to do was run. Run and jump and skip, pretend I was a fairy or a runaway, or a hero or a magician. Pick up some stick on the ground and decide that one was a wand, because of the knot that twisted it into something different than the others. Wander for hours, look under every rock, imagine a treasure under the strange arch made by the twisting branches of a fir tree, sit on every stump, build a house out of sticks, pretend I'm big, pretend I'm small, pretend I'm magic, pretend I don't know that it isn't real. Dip my toes in the freezing water, watch the tadpoles, mud on my jeans, my skin cold, my insides warm.
It isn't like that anymore, I just watched the leaves suspended there, tried to feel the air on my skin as deeply as possible until it touched my heart, listened to the sound of my footsteps on the stone. No, it isn't like that anymore. Now I just witness it, now I don't know how to even pretend that magic is real, now I stay put and I try to breath normal, try to forget that I'm scared, try to remember how I was never scared then. Of tripping, of falling, of dying. Try to be sure footed, like I weigh nothing. Try to get some piece of that back. A piece of me back. A piece of fearlessness in exchange for that bitter, bitter terror.
Love, C
L
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