March 26, 2026(more poetic, diary-style version)

Dear Diary,

I still have feelings for my childhood school-time classmate 😭

It hurts…
but I don’t want to keep carrying these feelings anymore.
So I’m writing this—
to let it out,
to stop it from becoming a burden in my mind,
to make space for the things that actually matter in my life.

This is my confession—
one I may never say out loud:

"I liked you.
I waited.
It hurt when nothing happened."

What I felt was real.
But what we had… was never a relationship.

That was my past.
Right now, someone is choosing me.

And still…
a part of me stayed stuck with you.

We never talked much—
not like how you talked with others.
And maybe that’s why I hid everything inside me.
I was scared…
scared that you would notice
how deeply I had fallen for you.

I never confessed.
Not because I didn’t feel enough—
but because I didn’t know if you felt anything at all.

So I stayed silent.
I resisted my own feelings.
I kept waiting…
for something that never came.

Maybe you already had someone else.
Or maybe you didn’t.
But I never had the courage to come to you.

I gave you small hints…
but you never saw them.
Or maybe… you chose not to.

And slowly, I realized—
I can’t keep loving you
and hoping you’ll love me back.

So I’m letting you go.

Not because it was easy—
but because it hurt too much to stay.

My expectations hurt me.
My hope hurt my ego.
But I’ll accept it now—
you never chose me.

And that’s okay.

Because now…
someone else does.

Even with all the restrictions,
even with the distance and limits—
he still chooses me.

And I want to choose him back.

I’m still scared of the future…
but I’m tired of one-sided love.
I’m tired of waiting.

I remember the first time we met—
so clearly, like it just happened yesterday.

You were crying…
with a running nose 😂
like a small, innocent, fragile kid.

And then they gave you apricots to calm you down—
and you stopped crying.

I found it so strange…
because I hated apricots.

But in that moment,
I felt like taking care of you.

I never did.

And maybe that was the beginning of everything.

Later, I saw another side of you—
strong, confident… different.

That day in the small room,
when everyone had to sing—
I saw you in the corner.

And somehow, I wanted you to be seen.

When you sang on stage…
I was impressed.
Proud, even.

And from there,
you kept rising.

Class topper.
School topper.
Always first.

And I kept chasing you—
not just in studies…
but in feelings too.

I tried so hard.
And still… I was just 0.6% behind you.

That day, I told myself—
"Stop loving him."

But my heart didn’t listen.

I had made a deal with myself—
if I got first rank, I would confess.

But that 0.6%…
became the distance between my feelings and my courage.

Still, I changed.

From someone who barely passed…
to someone who made it to the topper list.

And I know—
that journey wasn’t because of you.

It was because of my mother,
my brother,
one kind teacher,
and the warden who supported us.

But somewhere…
you were still a silent reason.

And then… life changed again.
My downfall began.

Another story.

But what hurts more is you.

Why did you fall?
What happened to you?

You were the one who never failed.
The one everyone looked up to.

And now…
you’re struggling even more than me.

I wanted to ask you—
just as a classmate,
just as someone who once knew you—

"What happened?"

But maybe you don’t want to answer.
Maybe that’s why you stay away from everyone.

And I don’t know what to do.

Should I text you?
Just as a friend?
Just as someone who still cares?

Because I do care.

Not the same way as before—
but not completely gone either.

I’m not strong enough to help you.
I’m still trying to fix myself.

But seeing you fall…
hurts in a way I can’t explain.

Why did this happen to us…