Dear Diary,
(1:13am)
Hi,
I should have slept till now but I am not...
Today's airplane crash news was so devastating...idk what's stored in 2025...every another day someone is dying... people are dying...
And so many criminal incidents are happening around...how can people be so cruel.
I called AB also... he is enjoying, he was quite drunk...I am seeing his new sides on this trip... drinking so much on the bachelors trip giving the excuse that he isn't able to drink at all here so...and he is most happy around his friends...
I don't know I have a very different approach in life, my thought process, my way of seeing the world is quite different...
And last one week has made me think am I really happy... I don't have a proper answer for this. Some time back, some days back maybe last month...after all that chaos related to Hyd was sorted...I felt that I am happy...at some point I felt that he is not saying that he loves for the namesake only...he might be loving me...but I guess no...
I feel he only loves himself... which is a good thing, you should always love yourself first... and he loves his family as well but I don't feel his love or care...maybe someday he will learn how to love someone else as well... you love someone when you have fear of losing someone but in this case it doesn't apply...so I guess. Actions speaks louder than words.
The day I will feel his love...I will write about that here for sure...I will write the beautiful moments as well.
Sometimes, I feel...is he the kind of person I desire in my life... the answer is 50-50... after having the conversation few minutes back with him has made me realise that this is not the person I have waited my whole life...he is a good person...but completely different from me or what I have desired hamesha se...
He lacks compassion and gratitude in life... always looking at the bad side of the world... instead of focusing on anything good happening or being thankful about it.
I wanted the person to be loving and caring towards me, someone who is sensible towards people and related stuffs.
Anyways... people change with time... their thought process changes, the way of seeing life changes with time and as we grow in life.
And the answer for the question, Am I really happy? The answer is , at this present moment, at this midnight of 13th June 2025...1:33am...the answer is NO...what I felt yesterday over the call with his family...and I felt after having the conversation with him...the answer is NO...I am not happy at this present moment...
There are lot of things going inside me...I am feeling restless, anxious.
I need someone to talk to...I need to express what how I am feeling these days...I want to talk to AB himself...I want to share with him how I am feeling right now, what are things going in my mind...what all is disturbing me...maybe then I may feel little better but that's not possible right... he is not in that place right now...not is that mood and not in that condition right now.
Anyways, that's all for this note.
Bye!