Dear Diary,
After 3 years 3 months and 1 day, I broke up with him or still am trying to? It is so difficult to accept the fact that he no longer loves you the way he did and does not want to put in the effort for you. Initially, I used to think it was me, I did something less or more, maybe I am too loving, perhaps I need too much attention.
Ofcouse it's not like I don't have work to do and I am perfect, I need to change//fix my attachment style. I am an anxious attachment style person and I remember even before I knew this term I used to 'beg'(which i deleted while typing 2-3 times cause of how little that word makes me feel but how can I lie to myself) to my romantic partners to stay and love but I have come a long long way from there. I learned what a privilege it is to have me in someone's life, and I do not just deserve the bare minimum. So here I am, not carrying the trauma anymore of those 10 years of cheating boyfriends and hurtful friends, and turning into a happy life.
Now I do not know if this is the denial speaking or dry tears, but there is a part of me that feels okay, don't get me wrong, it does physically and emotionally hurt me like I can feel heaviness in my chest, but I also feel this needed to be done. I kept feeling he is not the one for me, not cause I did not love him but cause love is not enough.
P.S. Hoping to find myself again.