Helga's Dear Diary

дорогой дневник, ночью у меня снова была паническая атака… Я писала ему что мне нужна помощь, но потом удалила тк он сам нуждается в помощи… Как меня отпустило я попыталась отвлечься и скидывала ему ссылки на картины, чтобы и он не заметил что я что-

Dear Diary, F@ck… I feel so incredibly bad… I want to scream… And this headache just won’t let go… I’m sitting alone in my thoughts… I’m the same “swamp” as she is… He compared us again… Again… why change her for me… Don’t change me for any

Dear Diary, I f@cking hate this life… And everything here…  What I hate the most is being lied to again, being told that everything has changed when nothing ever does. And every time I try to believe it, every time I force myself to trust and open

It was a day filled not with events, but with silence inside. Not the calm kind of silence that lets you rest, but an empty one, hollow, pressing, almost ringing. It felt as if my emotions had been moved far away, leaving only a shell behind. I kept

Dear Diary, I told my friend that I want to leave. I told him that too. I didn’t tell the others. I took a razor blade and I’m sitting here with it, looking at it. Probably the best place to do it is in the bathroom. Or maybe it’s better to take pil

Dear diary, I don’t feel well… For the second evening in a row my head has been unbearably painful, and I want to scream, whine, howl… I feel bad. Physically a little, emotionally very much so… How I wish I could just be… decide nothing and simply be

Dear Diary,  If I generalize and choose what matters most, I’m clearly drawn to living, natural, and “bodily” scents rather than artificial ones. It can be put this way: What I love the most: - 🌧️ the smell after rain - 📖 the scent of a new

On snowy winter days, I feel a pang of sadness that I don’t have a child and a husband. Those moments when you take the sleds and ride until your cheeks are frozen, play snowball fights, write in the snow, or decorate snowy cars with hearts… moments

I said I wouldn’t write anymore, but in the end I felt drawn to share: today there was a beautiful snowstorm, piles of fresh snow. I fulfilled one dream - trampled a heart in the snow right across from his window. Across the road. A big heart… I fel

In the new year, I wish myself to be a friend, a love, a choice, a responsibility, a happiness, a desire,  and the most precious person in my man’s own life. And the chance to one day call a man - my own.To be support, to be a shoulder, to be there e

She wakes up slowly, as if her consciousness is lazily rising from a soft cloud of sleep. Her eyelids tremble, letting in the muted morning light. Her eyes adjust to the dim glow, and the first thing she notices is the tulips on the nightstand. They