Dear Diary,
" Remember that dialogue from Sanam Teri Kasam...log sath isliye nahi rehte ki wo bhul jaate... log sath isliye rehte hain kyunki wo maaf karna jaante hain. "
I have always believed in forgiveness...not only because I want to forgive someone so that they can stay but also because it will bring peace to me. And that movie I have always loved it and watched it several times, I might watch it in theaters also as it is re-releasing.
I wanted to write about something maybe I wanted to express my anger, I wanted to describe the situations from my pov but something changed inside me although I will write that too also later...I was furious over the call with my mum also today in the morning, they just called to check me... and to be honest I am okay or I am getting okay...the conversation I had with my mum also feels quite different now, I shouldn't have had that conversation with her...I don't know what suddenly changed inside me... maybe some words what Aman said to me changed my way of thinking or Idk what happened in couple of hours...I am feeling different, I am at little peace now...Idk for how long but at this moment...yup!
Instead of ranting, I would like to say a lot of things I learnt, definitely learnt today only otherwise I would have corrected myself at times...
1. My mother said me something today that her mother taught her that never mix the conversations, mayke me sasural ka baat mat karo and sasural me mayke ka baat nahi karo... don't say anyone ki hamare yahan aisa hai tumhare yahan aisa...ye sab mat kaho...but I completely don't agree with this thing, I countered her saying that sometimes it is required coz sometimes when people are only pointing your mistakes...then things need to be addressed...so that they can realise that they can also be at fault... putting blame on another person is an easy thing... knowing your own fault and processing it is also important.
2. Aman told me that I am always too judgemental...I shouldn't be or I should keep my judgements to myself only and don't need to let another person know about it unnecessarily untill asked for.
3. I realised I don't need to express everything...I always react instead of responding... which is my minus point and I need to work on it...this I know from a long time but always fail to correct it.
4. I need to not talk ill about other people just coz they have said ill things to me or about me... that's not gonna make me any better person anyday. I need to stay humble and take feedback from people and as Gaur Gopal Das Ji says ki how we process the feedback is important.
Enough of postive things, now I will write what went wrong...see it's easy to blame others and feel good...but it take guts to accept your shortcomings.
My parents are quite stressed at present, I need to do something so that I can relax my father, he can't sleep, mummy told me he slept around 5 am and woke up so soon...I know why he is so restless, it will be the first time in his life when I have desired something and that too when I was vocal about it and he can't get me that thing or he knows I might not be okay...he might be feeling helpless but I will try to comfort him as this is not the first time I have failed.
From the start, we talked much and felt like he is the one,
To be continued...
It's 11:13 (3rd Feb) continuing the note, it's last I am writing on what happened or what not...then I will be leaving all those things behind and move forward in life...
Things that went wrong-
I got the vibe and confidence from him that he is the one...I wasn't that sure earlier but a lot of time