Dear Diary, my head has been feeling foggy and heavy, i only want to talk with people that harm me, i dont know how to stop, i want to go back and be normal. But thats like the only way i feel filled and "loved", more like i feel wanted, i feel desired, i dont feel empty. I know its wrong, talking with them was disgusting at first but now its everything, feels like im filling a void with more void, with a black hole that just absors the nothingness that here was and even more.
I hate him, i actually do, the fact that i hate him doesnt mean that i dont love him, i want him, i need him, his touch again, i cant erase it from my head.
Ill probably read this again tomorrow, two possibilities, i cringe or i cry for maybe an hour. Or fall again idk.