31 December 2024
Dear JK,
End of another year. And I survived this one too like I always do. As the time goes by I am starting to feel numb I am starting to care less about things and yet deep down all of them leave a scar. This year was also horrible especially the last few days but it was atleast tolerable. 2023 was way worse. I am glad I didn't see you as much this year but then again you were everywhere. You never forgot to remind me of your existence even when I tried so hard to take you out of my mind.
You know when I got the invitation to your house warming party I was dreading to go. I tried to come up with all the excuses I could but inside my mind I too wanted to see you after so long. Your new house is beautiful it's everything I imagine for my dream home. Off course I didn't say it to you and I never would there were already enough people to praise and hail you I literally felt so suffocating at the house warming. And seeing you so happy always kind of make me depressed. I always feel like you are rubbing it to my face even though I know that you aren't. Why would you?
I didn't like it when you were sharing with me that how you feel like you need to 'step up your game'. You looked so sad and guilty. It's ironic isn't it? How everyone always talks about how great you are especially in front of me and then you come and say stuff like that.
I still hate you, a part of me will always do. I wish you acted rude with Me and with all those other people who fail to see the real you.
Maybe then I would have genuine reasons to hate you.
I have been feeling so suffocated this year. I have no one to talk to and people around me are all selfish. They are rude and mean. I envy you for having such good friends and family. Atleast your parents don't say the meanest stuff to each other and fight all the time. I am really exhausted it's like I don't have a safe place. Home does not feel like home anymore. Everything is so messed up. I am not doing well physically, mentally, emotionally. I just want a huge break like go to a different country all alone with my memory wiped off. Or sleep for a year or so and then maybe I will be okay.
I am so jealous of you Jk, you are one lucky bastard always getting everything I want. I am kind of scared for 2025 there will be some major changes in my life I would have to go through some things that I am not prepared for. And you will be back to rub yet more things on my face when I know I will be lying in misery.
My friend have already declared that 2025 is gonna be your year. It's going to be jk's year. But isn't every year your year? What's new in it?
But I wish you don't get everything this year too. Leave some happiness for Petty people like me too. I have been starved of it for so long I almost forgot how it feels to be happy maybe you could remind me when you are back
Will you?
Happy 2025.
~YJ
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