Dear Diary,
I am coming here again. Trying to tell you how i feel.
I went to see a house today, i liked that so much, It was so tempting, i wanted to buy that, it's a fucking 2cr property, i don't even have the money. But other than that, it was a feeling of buying home with her which (I don;t know when i developed that) gives me such emotional high/satisfaction.
I dont know if there will be a day when we'll buy a home together, And it can be a momentary high, but i can imagine the high of that moment when i'll hold her hand and look at our home and then look at each other and without words we'll say to each other we did it, just like we do with eyes.
I read a line today on insta, it read, something like - when i didn't think of them, i did not for months, but once i did, i did it often.
That's what is happening with me. Part of me want to talk to her, just be on a call with her and talk anything, just listen to her, and listen to her laughing. And part of me knows that i am feeling low right now, even if i called, i'll become an unwanted pressure for her. She is already having so much to deal with in her life. I told her that i'll take away all her problems, but at times i feel so helpless, that i can't take away her problems.
I know, i know now, i can't be too hard on myself, people often have to come out of their problems on their own, other people can only be their support. But i feel i want to giver her more, so much that she feels special that she feels that god has given her something more special than everyone else.
I dont know what can i call these feelings, why do i desire to do that, but i just do.
I am not sad, i am just hanging in here, with a little uncertainty and actually trying to accept this uncertainty of life and everything in it.
Goodnight
--panda--
❤️