November 19, 2023


Dear Diary,

to be honest, the empty feeling is still right here. It feels as if it is on its way to fade away but it keeps turning back again and again. 

Tomorrow i will have psychology exam and i am kinda prepared but kinda not. I cant focus on my studies. The day after tomorrow i will have geography exam and the day after that, i have to go to visit a university. the way will take me around 3 hours and i'm afraid i'm gonna take the wrong train, since i will go there by myself. 

I am afraid of the exams. I dont want to fail. I dont want my parents be disappointed since this year is important for my graduation because every single grade i get since this school year, will count into my final graduation grade. 

my thoughts are the whole time somewhere else. i cannot sleep well and my body is hurting af.

i want to get out of this all. the pressure is too big. not only because of school but also because of the command to be perfect.

i cant be perfect but so many people expect from me to be so.

i am afraid of them. 

i am so afraid.