November 15, 2023


Dear Diary,

I am actually writing this on November 16 but since I failed to make an entry yesterday here it is...



It's an omg kind of thing cuz I was assigned to be a leader for making desserts and the drinks and so I made this groupchat for it so we can talk more about the expenses and the plates to use for it.

She then sent a photo to the groupchat and asked if it's a good plate to put our dessert in but I didnt get to seen the message for a while since I was having a bath. When I finished I noticed that she unsent the messages and laughed saying nevermind those were too big.

I just replied to her saying I didnt get to see it with a crying emoji and she sent a message saying...

"kiss ko anay bi" (let me kiss you first)

and then unsent it and sent a message saying it was nothing and laughed.

I dont wanna assume.

And to be honest a huge percentage of me thinks she's just making fun of me. Is it low self-esteem? trust issues? or am I just being a realist?

I replied with "sayanga wala na screenshot"(such a waste I didnt get to screenshot that) as a joke.


And so the kalbaryo begins, I skipped pe to prepare for the cooking for the nutrition subject. the instructor messaged us saying she wont be able to meet us tho, but another instructor will be handling us.

We were told to answer our books and Elaine and I were exchanging looks from time to time while Nicole is behind me acting all delulu.

After finishing answering the book, me and Nicole hurriedly ran to get more ingredients and tools for our cooking. And while doing so, she messaged me... not in a groupchat, but a direct message for some reason.

Asking if she could help me with anything. Made me realized that I havent been bossing my members around like the other leaders. Not that I have to but I've been stressing about this stuff on my own when I could just ask them for help.

So i asked her to buy some straws lol.

She keep on just agreeing with me and telling me to take care, and then I replied to her saying take care of the straws thank uuuu.

I dont wanna assume. I really dont think Im worth it.

If in the end she's really into me, I think I would push her away. To save her from headaches, i know something is wrong with me and I dont wanna involve someone if Im a mess. That's why I'm okay admiring her from afar, so she doesnt feel obligated being extra nice to me.

I still have quizzes tomorrow which is in 3 minutes uuhhh November 17....

Imma continue this tomorrow? night night~~~