November 14, 2023


Dear Diary,

Can't sleep...

Earlier before class I was already panicking cuz I'll be seeing her again. I wanted to make my makeup look perfect, my hair to be hairing, and my outfit to just cooperate with me. But like 15 minutes before the class starts there was an announcement saying we should be wearing our uniforms so I hurriedly changed and was about to cry when my bun was so messy (bun and hairnet is part of our uniform) but I still went cuz again there was a last minute announcement about examinations. 

I almost forgot how exhausting it is to have a crush, like I wanna look right in front of her and not looking too well just doubles my embarrassment. Before I dont even care on how I look or if I made an embarrassing mistake in class, but crushing on a classmate? yeah... new challenge added to my list again.

So I went to school with my friend Nicole. Luckily, it was a minor subject and when we entered, the teacher was already signing the admission slips while my classmates were already answering. The teacher didnt care and she just greeted us with a nice smile and gave us test papers so we sat down and answered an exam that we have no idea what it is about. 

Before answering I let my eyes roam inside the room to look for her, and like in movies where 2 people would move away and then boom the path is cleared, and she's now in my view.



Sobrang gwapo.

We were sitting in front but then Nicole told me that we should transfer, she would sit next to Hannah and I should sit behind her, which is parallel side to where Elaine was sitting. We did that so we could get answers and the teacher didnt really care that we were sharing answers. I dont condone cheating but well you have to do what you have to do.

After minutes my classmates started to pass their paper and so did Nicole and she was hyping me up, whisper-shouting "gogogo faster! more energy! more power! activate your holy spirit!"

I told her to shut the hell up in a joking manner and finally got up to pass mine but I noticed Elaine standing up and was behind me. When I turned my back after placing my paper on the table we made eye contact.

And she still has this... smile thing that makes me overthink. One braincell wants to think that I might have a chance with her, then one sad braincell is just thinking she knows that's why she's just teasing, she doesnt look at me that way at all cuz her and her friend group is just different from us.

I know it's like a cliche highschool drama thing but 2 worlds colliding. Our circles are just different from one another.

Out of the feeling of giddiness I slightly slapped Nicole's shoulder while she's doing her eyebrows, she turned to me and turned to where I was from and immediately got it.

I was then fixing my bag so we could go, I took my glasses off but then I noticed her standing facing away from me and well I stared for a bit before I noticed that she was holding a camera, using it as a mirror and who knows she may have noticed me staring at her.

My eyes were blurry I couldnt even make out her expressions. Is she really teasing me? Was that intentional?

My classmates proceed to go out after finishing the exam, I had to stay for a bit cuz Nicole was retouching and I wanna do that as well. Before she and her friends went outside I heard her say "Muadto nami" (We'll go now) to whoever. Kinda felt sad cuz we wouldnt be meeting again on Tuesday (our free days are Sundays and Tuesdays).

After they left Nicole turned to me and told me something that made me smile like an idiot. She said that when she was "activating my holy spirit", Elaine looked at us and was smiling.

But ANYWAYS! When we got out from school I decided to go home straight cuz Nicole will be meeting her boyfriend. And when I finally got home she chatted me saying she saw Elaine and her friends at the plaza! And she was laughing cuz she thought Elaine was again curious as to where I am. I really dont wanna get my hopes up, but it's hard when you have friends like this.

That thought didnt left my mind... I mean, for the past few days she rarely leaves my mind. I'm very familiar of infatuation and I am aware that if this goes deeper, in the end i would cry again(or maybe it's the trauma talking).

But I just found myself chatting my brother if he's coming home so we could get some donuts at dunkin donuts, that is... close to the plaza.

He agreed since he's coming home anyways and we rode his motor. I was all smiley until I noticed the road we're going. I asked him if we're going somewhere else and he told me we'll be going to the bigger dunkin donut cuz they have cute decorations.

I appreciated it a lot of course but I was pouting jokingly the whole ride. Although, I enjoyed it a lot.

When we got home I got a message from the group 3 gc. Theyre now planning on what full meal we should do on Wednesday. Elaine is one of my groupmates and before realizing that I actually have a crush on her I was pretty active on the groupchat, but rn I'm just very nervous to say anything. 

Marry told us to state the names of our groupmates based on our community nursing groups and so I did with mine since my groupmates werent active and as an assistant leader I should be responsible.

I thought she would base on that but...she put me and Elaine in the same group...

Theyre friends and I did noticed that she's nicer...? I mean she is nice! But strict...but with her chats now she's...nicer? Maybe her dinner tasted good??


I dont wanna get hurt hehe.

To give more contribution I volunteered to bring the wine glass since we have it at home. And Elaine replied to me with her stupid tati nickname with her stupid nice tone with her stupid stupid that makes me smile stupidly.

Nicole was in the groupchat and she was teasing me on our private message while I was panicking.


Aya: I'm gonna die im gonna die im sooo gonna die

Also Marry made me the leader for making the desserts and drinks. Does that mean I'm in charge of making Elaine's life sweeter? AHHAAHAH


I'm only good at eating tho so wish me luck or I'd lose my 1 percent chance with her by being stupid.