feather of hope {November 06, 2023}


Dear Diary,

few days back as i was closing my eyes and praying cause I was in need of a feather, a peacock's feather which I was so attracted to that i begged my parents if they could get me one. IT just felt as if, if i had the feather i will have some sort of power which will motivate me, protect me, guide me or so I thought. after a minute of thinking my mother explained that "most of the feathers you see are mostly plucked out of those birds against their will". she then said she would get me the feather for sure if its naturally fallen when we visit the countryside where her family stays. after looking at my sad face I don't know I assumed maybe she felt pity for me but she gave me one of the beautiful feather which was inside her cupboard. it seemed really important as that one has been around the time I was born but I was so happy getting it that nothing but the feather mattered at the time. I used to keep it as a book mark while reading and mostly made it my precious little treasure but, one day I kept it on my academic book and forgot about it. then when school started today I kept the book with me and when I opened the book I smiled so brightly looking at the feather and happily explained it to my friends how I got it from my mother and I believe its like a charm but...after recess I took the book got back to my class and lost the feather. my friends helped looking around as I assumed they saw how my face fell from loosing it as I was happily smiling and explaining it to them, *sigh* I feel disappointed in myself as I was not able to properly take care of a single feather my mother trusted me with, maybe I was not worthy of it? or is it because during the school function when I was playing with the feather in one of the school costumes and secretly kept it with me and brought home? cause it was a plucked feather? but I soon realized my mistake and am deciding to gently place it in the holy river when it is the right time but...is this a punishment?  im sorry i- i need my hope back, my feather i want it back.