Dear Diary,
yesterday was another day of the prove that friendships are the worst thing one can have. surely one cannot say this about every friendship but .. every friendship i had was just.. i regret making friends. friends are here to fade away.
to say it simply, yesterday i talked to them and openend my heart because my mind seems to eat me up, especially since i have to recall several stuff and stuff..
however, when i talked about my current feelings, no one cared. literally. they made jokes.
i was crying and they made jokes. they didnt care, ignored me or made jokes.
i said im afraid to try it again. to try to put an end to this life finally. it wouldnt be the first try.. but they didnt care.
would they also not care when suddenly im not among the living humans?
would they care when i am dead?
they know, this season is horrible for me.
but they dont care.
fuck.
why am i crying again?
i just wanna fade away.. i just wanna die. since fucking years. and every winter season, i wanna do it so badly.
they tell me, when i need them, i should talk to them.
but when i talk to them, they dont care.
aishh.. fuck everything okay? JUST FUCK EVERYTHING
WHY CANT I JUST DIE? .. why..? my graduation isnt far away.. should i die before or after?
ahh fuck it.. fuck fuck fuck..
yesterday evening and today in the morning, i hurt myself. again. i hate myself.