Dear Diary,
I wish my thoughts could be recorded and im not even talking about journals and diaries, like record it on the spot. I have many realizations and monologues that I wish to share with the world, but whenever im in front of a blank white space? I tend to say some stupid things.
Anyhow, today was a good day. My friend who has problems with her grades finally decided to tell her parents about it. She wanted another adult to go to school and pretend to be her guardian but knowing her and her family, I know that keeping that kind of secret from her parents would make her baggage heavier, especially since we're in college now.
She told her parents and she applied for PMA (Philippines military academy) i remember when we were in 7th grade and we would talk about entering that academy, but well I turned out to be weak physically. She's on the wait list but her dad doesn't want her to wait for it so he also advised her to continue with nursing even tho it would mean that she'll be irregular because of her failed grade in one of our majors.
I helped her with the enrollment and while waiting we talked about our highschool memories, we also saw one girl who resembles our bestfriend who passed away months ago.. adulting has a lot of surprises and not every surprises are fun. We miss her a lot, we miss yasmin so much.
Helping her with the enrollment also gave me the courage to face my fails in the first semester, those are minor subjects but for someone who can't socialize well, being an irregular student scares me.
We didn't finished the whole process wince enrolling in the Philippines is so much of a hassle, you have to do this and that and you have to sneak through a large crowd to pass a paper to the registrar. Hot or storming you have to go from one building to another to talk to staffs and get the paper signed. So we'd continue tomorrow and we would also convince the dean if we could transfer sections, college is much easier with friends. That's the reason why I had a glow up with my grades on the second sem, it's because I finally get to be in the same class as my friends.
After that we walked in the rain to our friend's house. We call it the second home since we go there when we have no idea what to do in the city. I let them watched the movie "He's just not that into you." One of my fave and they enjoyed it.
I don't think I'd ever get tired of rewatching it tho. It's a reality check for me. Remember when I said to my previous entry that the sentence "He's just not that into me" makes me feel less heavy hearted? It's because of that movie.
On my way home inside a tricycle I decided not to look at my phone. Before I would look at it 24/7 because he lives inside there. Inside instagram, inside discord, inside whatsapp, inside Facebook. He is there.
But with my no contact journey, I have no other reason to keep my head down, to view the screen as my world, my earth.
I decided to look around. Familiarize the place so maybe when I get back to painting I'd know what to paint, maybe when I get back to writing I'd know how to describe.
In our city we have many rice fields and while watching them go by as the tricycle passes, I relate the grass to hair.
There's a balding head, an uncomb ones, healthy ones, bright ones, ones that haven't seen a barber for a while.
It was a good feeling to finally have your attention somewhere else. It's a good feeling to see a world that keeps on poking you. And even tho I see stuff that reminds me of him, I don't feel any pain or anger. He loves rice fields when he visited my city and I can also get to see the beauty of it.
Whenever we travel by bus I would always let him take the seat next to the window, because I know he wants to take videos of beautiful sceneries he sees while I just want to look at him the whole ride.
He is beautiful. And maybe it shouldn't be "he is beautiful but" maybe it should be "he is beautiful and he's not into me." Because that's completely fine.