June 02, 2023


Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I've written but to be fair there hasn't been a whole lot of interesting things to write about for the last couple months so I'll give an overall summary of what my life has been for the last 3 months because thats when a lot of things changed. 

Lets see... where to start.

Around mid Febuary I started talking with a company who took an interest in me due to my backround and present life circumstances. Prior to this I wanted to move, get a fresh start, and hopefully open up doors to news things so it lined up perfectly with this job because I'd need to move pretty far away to get there. 

It was far too long a commute to interview in person so there was really no interview at all but they did emphasize that I'd be drug tested as soon as possible when I arrived in the area. Everything sounded good and fair to me so I started packing, preparing financially, and saying my goodbyes to my family because I'd rarely ever see them anymore. 

The most difficult part of this whole thing was actually paying the landlord first months rent + security deposit. It was a rather large sum of money and I didn't have a bank at the time so all of my money was kept on a prepaid card. That being said... I couldn't wire her the money, I tried every possible currency app, but they just didn't accept it for some reason. Paypal actually did link with the account but it wouldn't send the money for whatever reason despite it working for me in the past when I was sending money to people. I tried for several days to get her the money but ultimately I just withdrew all the cash and told her I'd give it to her when I arrived to the place. I felt dumb handing them a giant envelope of cash but that was my only option. 

Afterwards she just said to try and get it sorted out because cash transactions aren't the most convenient or professional methods considering theres no documented evidence of the transaction. 

The next month or two wasn't really any easier. I had finally gotten the bank account, my income from my new job was desposited into it but the issue was...

When you first start a job, often times you don't get ur first paycheck till 3 weeks after. Its because a couple reasons. 

Employers don't just pay people based on whatever day they were hired on, there is a designated payday for the entire work force and also you usually get payed every 2 weeks, sometimes 1 week but thats not as common. So firstly you have to work for 2 weeks in order for you to earn a paycheck. So if theres 4 weeks per month...

I worked for 2/4 but I don't get payed till the 3rd week of that month on that friday so you start a new payweek before you get payed for the previous pay period. I hate this because its hard to make a living when you have no income. Going 3 weeks without any income is difficult after dishing out thousands in total costs just to get settled in. I was borrowing money off my family just to afford fuel so I could get to work and eat. 

That being said, I payed the landlord on march 5th but I didn't start work till march 20th. So 15 days go by while I not only don't have any income, but I'm not earning anything either. That being said a total of 36 days go by before I get a paycheck after moving to this new place, which means... I couldn't pay the landlord when rent was due because if you due the math... March 5th plus 36 days later equals April 10th. I was 5 days overdue for rent. Thats not even the end of it... my entire first paycheck was cut short due to weird hours for new hires, so that entire check went to rent which means I was still completely broke, literally 0 money to live off of till my next paycheck. To make things worse, after paying her on the 10th... rent was again due on the 1st now of every month. So I had to pay rent twice in basically one month so all my money went towards that. This happened for 2-3 months because I needed to cycle through a few paychecks so they'd line up with rent day. Meanwhile all of my house bills are adding up, I couldn't pay my eletric bill, car insurance, phone bill, internet, or anything so I was calling all these companies trying to delay the due dates as far back as possible so there wasn't any consequences for late payments. Once I finally had a consistent income, could pay my monthly bills on time and all... I still owed several companies hundreds of dollars that I just wasn't able to pay during those months. It was still winter when I moved in so heating was a necessity and that ran my eletric bill up very very high.. almost 6x would it would normally be.  

Fast forward to now I'm pretty stable, able to spend money without worrying about not being able to make ends meet which is nice. For the last month and a half I've been communicating with a few car dealerships because theres a car I've been wanting for a long time. It's not a cheap one and given the recent circumstances of my finances, it's probably not the best decision to get a new one but at the same time, my current car is falling apart. It's older than I am, has an oil leak, misfire, one of the brake lights dont work, the dash lights went out recently, 3 bald tires, 1 of which exploded on my way to work last week so I had to replace it, the exhaust pipes are also broke so its very loud... Its only a matter of time before I'm stranded again on my way to work. Theres also the idea of buying a cheaper car... but used car prices these days are insane. Often times used cars are more expensive than brand new ones for some reason... so why waste money on a used and old car instead of just commiting to a new one. 

The one I'm getting is a 2023 so it's very new, no problems with it, and I'm truly in love with it. Its my first new car, so I really wanna go all out and get the best version of it I can, keep it for a long time, and it'll genuinely increase my quality of life. I'm supposed to get it around late June or early July so I'll have it pretty dang soon and I couldn't be more excited. 

Ever since my break up in December I've been nonstop depressed and this is the first time I'm actually feeling a sense of joy about anything and its really really nice to feel again. 

---------------------------------- CHAPTER 2 ------------------------------------------

A few weeks ago my parent separated again for the 100th time, my mom texted me saying that she was going to move out because my Dad wouldn't leave and she just couldn't stand to stay. The issue was alcohol just like in the past. He is an alcoholic and the guy just loses his mind when he's drunk. He's never been abusive or anything, but just incredibly annoying to talk to and in the past it's led to pretty fucked up things. For example when I was 15, my car was brand new and literally only 3 days after being off the lot my Dad used it to get to work and he ended up getting completely wasted which resulted in my car completely destroyed. He drove it through several mailboxes, rolled it down the road and ended up in a ditch upside down. The car insurance covered the majority of the cost but my mother ended up having to pay several thousands on it.

That being said... I understand her frustration with his drinking habits but why keep letting him back in? Which risk the entire new life you built without him around? She let him in, he fucked up and now she wanted to move out. 

She later texted and said that she isn't going to be moving anymore because my sister drove my Dad to a rehab center for the second time so he wont be around anyways... but then later texted a few hours later that it doesn't matter because the landlord found out she has dogs and the trouble my dad was causing so he was going to evict her with the excuse that he is gonna sell the house. He said theres a different place in town that he'll let her move into once he fixes a few things in it. 

Will finish this write tomorrow... goodnight.