November 23, 2022 #372


Dear Diary, I got email about my shift for December this morning. So I answered I am ready to work again. But they told me that they have fixed schedule for 1st to 3rd and the school will be closed from 13th and there’s important events during the weeks. Basically they don’t really need more workers (me) they said. I am kinda confused. Why they asked me if I am ready to work again?? I feel kinda sad for almost no reason😅 They could write like they have only few shift for each part time staffs and they already have enough members, so they would like me to start working again from January.

Another month without any shifts. Well I am happy because I can be available anytime if my friend has trouble / wants me as her travel buddy. I am more than happy about it. 

My stomach feels gassy🤢 I think this is because period is coming. I started to understand probably. Or is this because I had sugary food today? 😔
I need to cut these things off

I am feeling unsure. Hmmm 
It is maybe because of the period thing but this feeling makes me feel like I need to worry about my future. I am finally starting to feel okay enough to do CBT hard since past couple of weeks. So I don’t think it’s time to start job hunting yet. 

But I already live a lot behind than others around my age. And I found the ad for getting the chance of being hired as a full time worker. These things are making me feel rushed. The due date they said was December 8th. But thinking realistically, it’s impossible for me in this situation to keep working everyday for almost throughout a year and years and years. My first appointment for psychiatrist will be Dec. 22. I feel like I should wait until the doc says I am ready to do the job hunting again. 

It will be okay. My life will be okay.