November 19, 2022

Dear Diary,

Wow, I haven't written anything for a while as my life is up and down so I have never found to write about any experiences. Maybe I forgot my password to log in to this app maybe I feel overwhelmed that don't wanna bother you. When I look at two months, everything seems ordinary like starting over my life again, sharing the same flat with my roommate, and hanging out with my childhood friends who are studying in the same city as me. Maybe I used to read a book a lot and then as I feel alone and as I start hating people, I read many books in a week that changed my perspectives. When it comes to socialising, I'm afraid of abusing by them anymore because they like throwing any tiny thing about myself into my head, so I keep my distance away from them. I gave up facing my past as it's no big deal in my family cares about me more than before. It's satisfying. Friendship is fucked up, I don't have to spend money grabbing a coffee in a cafe house and I can save money. But most of the time, staying alone at home wears me out a lot. I don't know how I can spend quality time as you know time’s money. Meanwhile, I don't go to college and join lectures that reflect on my grade. Probably, I won't graduate from my university this year. I’ll bring this up with my family and they feel me. But I envy those who ignore their life just depending on obsession with hanging out with them. That's the reason why I ended up my friendship with them they are always arrogant and always right in any topic.so I'm gonna make my way and I feel better. But today, I was thinking of dropping out of my college for a while doesn't work out healing mentally just a waste of time. I don't have time to waste. So I’ll pull me together and I’ll go to college and I’ll fuck them up. It's worth humiliating them. Once they told me if you're bisexual or lesbian, we would never be friends. Shame on you! They don't know how to respect others' lives. Anyway, I would say there we go. They shouldn't have pissed me off :) but I'm so sick of having a superficial friendship that I'm always a giver, but they just mock me. I won't let them anymore. No one deserves my feelings. If someone finds me one day, maybe they deserve me.