November 18, 2022 #366


Dear Diary, today I didn’t spend any money yay! And I didn’t use my phone in my bed last night before sleep. It was 10 when I got up but I went to walk/soak sun at 10:30. There’s nothing to do so it’s hard to keep myself from bed but I did great. 

Yesterday, I read an article which recommended morning walk. So I started. I set this as a goal on Daylio so that I can observe my mental state while I keep doing it. But i know it feels difficult to do this every single day so I will do it 3 days par a week. 

I have never had a healthy sleep schedule I guess. As a child I needed 2 hours before I finally fall asleep after I was tacked. Around 11, I was forced to stay up late like 2 am to do my extra study. When I was like 13, I was sleeping almost all day long. No seriously I did. Like two or three months. Again at 17 I did the same exact thing. I don’t want to accept these my past as the truth but yes it is unfortunately. Lastly, under the online courses situation, I became a screen addicted and insomnia :((( meh 

I don’t have strong passion while I am awake but I rather sleep to enjoy my dreams. I don’t need VR or something like that. I just go sleep. I am always safe in my bed. Younger me was already saying that. But I am an adult now. I know the reality better than before. I gotta stand by myself to live. I was always trying not to accept that my life has been pity. But it’s okay to accept that it wasn’t really enjoyable. I am trying to make this enjoyable from now. I don’t want to listen how dad’s university life was fun or how his friendships are continuing from that time. I don’t have that. And I won’t get that back. Mine was not that good and these things happen occasionally. And that’s is okay. This is same as unlucky kid drops their ice cream on the road. And this happens sometimes.