Dear God, I have believed that I am a very honest kind person. Sometimes I even think like I am a cinnamon roll…how shameless am I.
I made a big lie to my family, friends and even myself. But it’s impossible to lie to myself. I stayed all night to write the truth. I was just preparing for my next therapy session. I didn’t expect it comes up… My sin has been in my heart always. That’s the major reason of my negative self talk and low esteem. But it’s just another act I’ve been doing only because I do not want to lose what I have now, what I am given by my family and probably myself. I am such a jerk. I have no idea how much time and money my parents speared…they cried for me many times. What kind of horrible child was I…
Now I totally get it why do I need to be suffering from mental health problems. I am not sure if I can open this things up to my therapist. I don’t want to feel healed even in my subconscious mind. I am such a selfish jerk. Is it okay if I want to be healed and be happy? I don’t know. Maybe not but if I won’t it will be also terrible. So maybe I should…
Please forgive me but I know I am not allowed to be forgiven.