Dear Diary,
Long time, many manyyyyy things have happened. Technically, i also have to give you the vipassana part and other many manyyy things. But, i think we'll save it for later. (I just hope, i dont forget it by then). Today, i want to talk, infact discuss with you, about ME. About who i am.
You see, this is no secret, that i am a confused man. I completely agree with that. But recently something has happened, and i feel a greater desire and need too to be less confused, someone has very strongly told me now, and i feel this could be my chance to improve.
She is a very straightforward, honest person, the best I have ever known. She spoke up to me and she wants me to speak up too.
First thing, she says, i havent changed in years, i keep thinking and thinking and i am still confused, and i postpone things to weekends. When i should be prioritizing working on figuring out what i want.
Here it is our discussion now -
One thing is, being with her, Now,i only have to think of half of the part, she'll do the other half. Half mine, half her.
1. I DO Not want to work for just money. I do not want to do it for Just the fame/respect from others of any sort.
2. The things that interests me are -
Coding,
Making products,
Learning and keep learning(just for the sheer joy of learning, also building skills). Examples - Science, how things work, how universe works, how we work, Quantum, AI etc.
Business (for learning and feeling achievement, For the Joy of earning Money)
Helping people(Many people, not only the ones related to me, but many people, who needs help, also because it gives me a bigger sense of purpose than living just for myself, i want to keep helping as long long as i am alive and capable of doing)
3. How i want to live
a. I want to Live healthy
c. I want to have descent money, for emergencies, for my family and to spend on experimenting. Not to spend on myself and for my luxury, comfort or status or desires.
4. What kind of products do i want to build
a. I want to be future ready, i do not want to invest time into things which i believe would not be important in the future. I want to build things which are valuable 5 years in future, because anything which is needed today, and if i start making it today, by the time i make it, it would be less needed and there will be many people doing it and i would tend to loose some of my motivation (Because i want to solve the unsolved problems)
b. But i do not want to make products, which i believe would be used by very few people, even if it is very helpful to those few people. Because whatever i build, it takes time, and i want to invest time on products which help/(reach to) high number of people. The potential users of the products should be high. Unless, this is a step towards reaching more people, making more impact. Example - I can make the prototype sattelite ground communication system, which hardly anybody would use, but making this will help me understand the subject and allow me to enter into the field of space technology.
5. What makes me happy ?
a. Little achievements
b. Sense of purpose
c. Love from others
d. Making others happy
e. Healthy Body
6. What's wrong right now - Why am i not feeling content with myself
a. Everything i do takes a lot of time and i become impatient. And then irritated.
b. I try to do many things at once. And not able to find peace with any one thing. (If i were to chose just one thing, i think i would have done better)
c. I do not focus, i constantly have other worries in mind.
d. I get distracted by small things - trying to make granola, mediocre cookies, wandering around in the city with no real goal, meeting every friend, taking every call etc, those aren't the real needs at all.
7. What can i do better
a. I know there are all the things in the mind right now and everything feels interesting to try, but i cannot try them all. I have to forget few things, focus on only few. fewer the better. Maybe let someone else decide it for you. It may not be a very bad idea.
b. I have to spend less time on thinking and more time on doing. Decide quick.
c. Do not worry, i know the future looks uncertain, the family and getting old and all, but it's alright, for the time being, lets live only in the present and if you see any opportunity to settle down, do settle. But let's not be worried.
d. Since life is small and we have less time, lets focus on only the most important things at the moment. I have to build the mindset of picking up the most important things every single time.
e. allocate some time to less important things, but are urgent, timebound. Stick to the plan.
f. Vipassana & Excercise - Mind and body MUST ALWAYS be in good shape.
Somewhat conclusion -
Primary focus - Quantum Computing & Jobs in Space tech companies
Side learning - NO SIDE LEARNING FOR NOW.
Side projects - IoT (I feel it may not be great investment, though, I'll see, probably in moderation)
Hobby projects - Spanish, Sketching, Cooking
Portfolio growth - In moderation - Github.
Helping Others - TOD & Donations.
How about Travelling ?
I feel i want to travel only along a partner now. But, i have read all about, how travel opens up your mind and stuff, and how i'll learn so much by just travelling and specially travelling alone.
And what about the life being the experience, am i not missing on the experience ? Am i acting too old and trying to settle somewhat soon ? Maybe i can learn all the things even along a partner(It wont be the same though).
But it's also true, that i am not learning much, like not really a looot by travelling. I meet people and see stuff, then i come back home and i forget all of those anyway. Maybe it's just for the time being then and it is not as great as it is hyped...
Goodnight ❤️❤️
--panda--