Dear Diary, I just sent email to my boss to be given 2 months off until winter semester starts just as she suggested. I feel like I am useless again. But I also feel like I actually need to rest from this part time job… and establish healthy sleep schedule and do something to find a real job or at least to be near the goal. Go yoga classes and so on… just to be healthy
Being healthy to me is almost the same word as having realistic future.
Future can be not that food tho.. having healthy expectations for future sounds like more reasonable.
The problem is…I don’t talk to my mom about this yet.
Boss said “until this semester ends” so just 2 months. Until my body gets used to the medication…
I am not fired or something but the impression is very fired-ish. At least for me…
I hate you hormone pill😕 or is this winter thing..?
…Things I can do to make this 2 months meaningful…
Go to yoga class
Read books
Go to therapy
Have a healthy daily schedule (up at 7, bed by 11, do exercises daily and soak sun by noon)
Study for exam
I might quit Netflix and have Kindle or something instead…
I am thinking about to start seeing my psychiatrist again. I hesitate to see him tho… because I quit it all the sudden saying nothing. But after my therapy session which was Oct. 16 or somethin, I thought I need to go back there… he’s kinda scary sometimes :( he speaks truth I don’t want to be said…and that’s way…
And now I am having two months off from my part time job due to medication issue…I think it’s good time to give a try to another meditation—and feel sick occasionally.
I might give a phone call tomorrow… or within a week… I can here my weak self trying to add “or not” but I don’t… technically I did it tho…
Think about it…I have enough money to actually live alone independently for two months without suffering from lacking of food and place to live (if I have already payed for the contract)
I told my mom about two months off And she said she understood that but asked me what’s going on with my temp job argent. I did nothing. I am not mentally ready to prepare for the questions. And she pointed out how long I stay in my bed a day. She thinks this makes my little sister’s stressed. I am trying to have more positive thoughts lately and I thought I’m doing okay so far but key word is “lil sis’s stress is because of how I currently survive my daily life”
As my D.S. sister’s perspective I am just a lazy and sick person. She works 5 days a week but I work only 2 days. According to my mom, she’s wondering what I am doing without going school anymore. I always try to avoid thinking what am I doing or where am I going.
My sister once said she had a fun task at her job. I asked what was it. Then she told me it was ripping used papers. I asked why. She hesitated to answer but she told me it was because she can release her stress by doing so. I was worried if she got stressed because of her workplace. But the true reason was me.
Now I am trying to manage to tell myself that I have rights to live happily. Come on! I built that mind set using this app! No I don’t going back there.
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to believe in myself
I deserve to have fun
I deserve to treat myself
I deserve to say no or yes as I feel like
I deserve to enjoy my life
I deserve to be healthy
I deserve to reject someone’s word to protect myself sometime even it’s from someone really close to me.
I deserve to be happy and fill up my life with smile.
Once again I deserve to be happy no matter what.
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