October 16, 2022 #318

Dear Diary, 

strange thing about my stomach… it doesn’t feel if I am full or not anymore. And my mouth is always welcoming for food once I start eating. So I need to be careful about how much I eat only based on my willpower and rationality.

 I bet this is because my pill! It just makes my brain misunderstand as if I am pregnant. 

Okay I don’t really think I need that part…which supposed to the non period part. Because I have been on that part for months. I should have be okay with starting the bloody period part first. I think my body needs the letting part more than holding part. I don’t really believe doctors in town because they are too busy to think deep. 

I can’t stop buying fast food recently. 

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Don’t know how to feel joy from living life. I woke up before noon and watched full house and YouTube. Eat and went walk. That’s it. That was my day today. And I have no idea what to do to live my life not wasting like this. I am like sleeping and dreaming all day and not living my life. 

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Where is my “I was happy today because” notes? I realized I stared biting my inner cheek again. I do this when I am feeling down “chronically”

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I don’t find inner peace even “calm but in the dark” one. I feel a little bit irritated. I feel it’s not me at all. 

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Big Meh