Tell me why I just shed a tear when I saw Kaladin's location on Bumble..
A few days ago, it finally changed to my city after more than a week of being in the capital because yes, I visit his profile everyday like the crazy stalker that I am. So he was here, even closer to me now..
Without meaning it, my heart took a leap and with it, my hope resurfaced.
But are you crazy, love? Wasn't it you who told him your very self you wouldn't get "excited" about meeting him because it's bad energy and oftentimes, it makes things not happen?
I mean.. I guess you could say I didn't really get that excited but seeing he was finally in the same city as I was still made me feel hopeful and ecstatic. I really didn't want to appear annoying by sending him another message after the voice recordings I dropped in his inbox in answer to his last replies, like, almost two weeks ago now, but I decided to just not care about it anymore and wrote to him three days ago asking where he was and hoping he was still alive..
Yesterday morning, I opened Bumble again and saw that I had a message. After spending a night with the British dude, I lost interest in interacting with anyone from the app anymore because British dude and I transferred to Telegram, meaning nowadays, my chats on Bumble are as barren as a desert because I have left everyone there on read except for.. Well, you know very well who. So when I saw that I had a message, I legit prayed it was from Kaladin replying to my text from three days before.
"Please be Kaladin, please be Kaladin.." I chanted to myself.
But no.. It was from someone else sending a question mark because he hadn't heard back from me for days. And then I fell asleep. When I woke up.. it was over.
He's now in Thailand.
A tear rolled down on my cheek, surprising myself. Turns out I liked him more than I thought.. And I felt ashamed for it because the things I prematurely wrote... Ugh. They now sound so, so.. so stupid. I suddenly felt the need to get drunk. And to visit the British dude again. Because I really hate Kaladin right now. I hate that I feel this strongly for him even when I haven't met him in person.
Because we could have ..
We could have ..
We could have ..
I'm not saying my heart is broken, but it's definitely scratched.