I think I have an eating disorder, I don’t know when it started, I don’t remember, but all I know is that the reason why I do it is not because I hate my body, it’s because I feel in control and I feel proud of myself when I don’t eat. When I’m sad I eat a lot or at least I think I a lot, and while eating I envision myself as a pig eating everything and I feel disgusted but most of all I feel like a failure, I feel like I have given into failure because I’m eating while sad so when I don’t eat I feel like I’m winning.
This feeling comes amd goes tho, sometimes I can eat and feel perfectly fine and not worry and it can last for weeks and months where I’m doing okay but then I just slip back into it and it lasts for weeks or maybe a couple of months.