July 03, 2022

Dear Diary,

A couple days ago van told me a friend of hers show his gf to her in a rather explicit way. I haven't seen it myself but she said the girl was in a position and her bra was bearly on or something of that sort. 

Then she joked about me putting on of those types of photos of her on my homescreen like he did for his girl. It was the girls choice so he isn't in the wrong. But before i responded she said "unless...." implying that she did want me to actually do it. She said explicit but not too much and then sent a pic of her in panties and a bra as an example of what to use. 

This sort of bothered me. She said is was to show her off but if she belongs to me why would i want anyone else to see her. The idea of being like "yo check out my girl" and then show her a full on exposed pic of her in undergarments is something I could never do. I don't want people seeing whats mine and I don't understand why I have to show her nearly naked, why i have to show her sexy photos, or provocative ones to show her off. Why can't it be a nice pretty photo, where she got dressed up, or showing off her cute smile, or showing her dorky side. Why does it have to be that kind if she's supposed to be only mine to see that way. I don't get it. Idk if theres something wrong with me for that.

I want to understand, I want to give her the things she desires when she see's other peoples relationships but "i want people to see that photo of me" just rubs me the wrong way and i can't do it. I mean.. shes in a bra and panties and im supposed to be okay with people seeing you that exposed? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk if im crazy or what