Dear Diary,
We disagree on a lot of topics and some of them are pretty important.
1.) Kids
2.) How kids will be raised
3.) Relationship expectations and solutions
4.) Certain morals & Religion
5.) Etc...
These aren't just insignificant bitter disagreements, these are the ground rules and structure of our relationship and I'm struggling to see how we are supposed to work through them when the issues come in real time. Compromise rarely works for us because neither of us think we're wrong and the only time anything is relatively settled is when the first person makes a decision and isn't willing to budge on it. Van feels this way about me saying "welp ik my opinion wouldn’t matter since u put ur foot down so whatever". The thing is her opinion does and always matters but how can I be expected to just change my mind as if her feeling differently suddenly changes the logic that my decision was based off of. My actions are generally based on logic so if they were to change it would require a logical reason, one that is better or improves upon my logic.
Of course her opinion matters to me but I can't just be like "well i guess im going to go against everything I believe in and feel is right because you do think the same". That isn't compromise, that's me just taking defeat for her sake and to let her win. Sometimes I don't mind but when it comes to big life chaning decisions I will not stay silent and be in a relationship just because talking means I'm ignoring her opinions.
I get that she wants to be heard, I understand her opinions feel invalidated sometimes because I "put my foot down" and when we talk about it she believes in "compromise" but her idea of compromise is me settling for what she wants to do and ignoring how I feel about something. Its more of her making up her own definition of something and twisting it into something it isn't. Compromise is 2 people meeting in the middle, its not one just giving into what the other thinks is right but thats what she seems to think it is.
All I did was state how I feel on something before she did and somehow thats putting my foot down even though I'm completely open to different opinions if all she did was simply enlighten me on why instead of just "because".