May 12, 2022 #173


Dear Diary, tonight I can’t sleep. It’s still one in the morning however, I am in bed since ten o’clock. I felt weird yesterday.  I tend to want a cup of coffee when it about to begin. Then my stomach starts feel sick. Then sadness comes after. I don’t know. It’s not sadness but rather like nothingness? Is that even a word? Yep anyways nothing but how to explain? Negative calmness? I say?  This time was still a quite light one tho, yet it was enough to remind me of my one of the most bad periods. 

Tbh I feel scared now. 

Today’s trigger was an important paper I should have submit. I actually had a plenty of time till the dL tho.  My mom gave me a kind reminder about it. But the way she was saying that sounded as if I did something very wrong. Just tiny bit but I am still sensitive enough to be panicked. 

I ran out of energy to go on so I went back in my bed. Then kept sleeping till two pm. It hadn’t happened since April. 

I hope this ends up turned out it’s just a temporary thing.