Dear Diary,
Tu marz hai dawa bhi,
par aadat hai humein,
Roka hai khud ko lekin,
Hum reh na sake..
Le doobi ja rahi hai gehraiyan humein..
I am very anxious since morning, I am not feeling like doing anything today.
I feel so stuck, my life isn't moving in any direction.
Today I am in the mood of writing.
I will try to post a new blog too.
I want to write about things happened in 2021 which I haven't mentioned here but then it the content is going to be never ending.
So here I am writing about 2022 Jan.
Like father is searching for the boy but unable to find a suitable match for me.
He rejects many of the proposals, some people reject me and the foremost reason for them is that we want a girl with a job. It's completely okay for me.
As I also want a good job asap. But it isn't that easy. I have enrolled in three courses and I haven't finished anyone of them completely.
Firstly I thought that I would love graphic designing but it isn't that interesting, I joined social media marketing but that course is boring but I would finish it soon.
These days I am learning Business analysis , yeah this is interesting till now. And yes, I passed in the 1st sem of online MBA but I am disappointed with myself as I didn't studied for it so I ended up in 70% only but no worries I will make it in next sem.
Sometimes I feel why I am such a messed up person. Like at the same time I have enrolled myself in 4 courses and now I am failing to complete any them, why can't I stick to one thing. And later I feel so overwhelmed when things don't go well.
Apart from all these I talked to a boy for marriage who was saying such big things like as I am a below average looking person so I am not looking for any beauty or anything else. I felt he was a nice person but I felt later that he is not interested but atleast he should say this clearly, as he is giving false hopes to my parents.
Arranged marriages aren't that beautiful as it is shown in movies.
Like some boys has setup the parameters like they want fair complexion with height so and so , so I don't want to get involved with these kind of people.
And yes I am overweight but I have lost atleast 7-8 kgs as last year I was in went in obseity category but I am trying.
Although I can't work out so much because of my leg as I have a flat foot , and how painful it is for me to jerk on my foot, it starts paining alot. And I can't explain everyone that I used to be slim then I met an accident past 2 years ago and then I got steroid injections over a period of time which in turn led to gain in fat and now I am trying to get back but it's very difficult as I keep getting myself injuries in my legs like it was fractured during Diwali time and it hasn't recovered yet properly the doctor said you have flat foot so it's not getting better. I have asked some exercises from my physiotherapist and so and so. I have sacrificed my favourite dishes to avoid calories and I have completely switched to healty eating.
So life is going this way.
And here it was spine chilling winters, so I have baked myself, my skin have got burned I think by basking under the sun so much. My face which was wheatish in color has turned brown.
Eating always helps me, I wasn't okay since morning and I was thinking that I am at home I can't have space to live alone for sometime or to go somewhere to any random place and spend my me time but after having lunch. I am okay. :)
Dear diary, have a good day. :)