First Dose & A Tempest

 

[ENTRY 67..✍️]

Due to some unfortunate events, this post has been 15 days delayed. But I'm back now. Sort of.

Last night has got to be the longest and most restless night I've ever had in my life. I just had my first dose of the vaccine yesterday and it didn't take long enough for me to have a headache. By evening, my entire body was aching. I tried to sleep at around 10 but I only managed to do so at past midnight. And then I woke up. I thought it was already daylight but when I checked my phone, it was only half past one. What? It felt as though I slept for hours. I kept tossing around and moaning, changing into positions that felt most comfortable because my left arm, where I've been shot, hurt so much. It felt so heavy, as if it was cemented. And then I woke up again. This time, it was around two. I didn't have a series of dreams for I only dreamt about one thing. That I was bitten by a werewolf and my body was acting that way because of the venom, like I was under the physical and internal struggle one has to go through first before reaching the whole bestial transformation. What's strange is, I've never had continuous dreams before. When I dream of something and then I wake up, I don't get that dream again. It doesn't resume. Yet for that entire night, I kept dreaming about the same thing.

I fell asleep once more and roused up an hour later. I've been waking up every hour, each time thinking there was already sun outside, but no. My body was hot yet I felt so cold. Every touch to my skin felt like a stab of a needle. And my head seemed as though it was going to split open.

The same went on when I gained consciousness again by four.. five, six in the morning. I couldn't stay still because every bone in my body felt weak and every fiber of my being was sensitive. Too sensitive. I kept shifting my weight, crying out low wails of anguish with each motion I half-absently displayed. No one could hear the whimpers of my suffering because I was upstairs.

I've been at it until 11 in the morning and the pain only got worse the moment I got up from bed. It seemed as though I slept for an entire week. The pain on my left arm was almost so unbearable that it literally brought tears to my eyes. When I'd walk, I had to limp because standing straight only made it hurt twice. Sometimes, I'd have to lift it up with the help of my other hand, cautiously and very slowly, because even the slightest bit of a sharp action would amplify the perpetual suffering surging all throughout my body.

This was the exact reason why I had been delaying my vaccination. The fear that my body couldn't take it. But I had to take the shots now because next year, most of the restaurants—if not all—wouldn't allow customers who aren't vaccinated to dine in anymore. The same goes for some other public places.

But why only me? Why am I the only one acting this way? My sisters didn't go through this when they had theirs.

My head still hurts and I still have a fever but I'm a lot better now, thank heavens. I won't allow myself to succumb to this evil.

But just as my well-being gets better, another misery has taken over. Only this time, it is so much worse.

Right now, a storm is brewing and it isn't like the other storms we've encountered before. This one's entirely something new to me. To us. The air outside is a disturbance of raging swirls of furious wind, causing a ruckus in everything it touches. Like death, nature is indifferent, but the whistling howl it makes seems like a wicked curse casted upon every sinner that listens. And who can't listen to this? It's loud. Eerie. Dangerous. Compelling. It won't let you sleep. Like your very nightmare materialising into reality in the coldest and darkest form of a tempest. My little sister and I would check the condition upstairs every now and then and when we opened the door to my room a while ago, my heart sank at what I saw.

Shards of glass scattered around my bed and on the floor. Nasty, icy air welcoming us in severe blows of slaps in the most cruel and uncaring manner.

"Oh, God. My window…" I uttered in complete horror having seen the gap that stretched in one of my windows. I didn't realize how serious this typhoon was until I witnessed its capacity myself. Rain got in, soaking my bed.

"Let's transfer the mattress elsewhere!" I told my sister amidst severe gusts and showers.

"No! Not now!"

"But—!"

My eyes took in the chaotic state of what had been my paradise a few hours ago, the shards of glass in front of me mirroring the heartbreak I felt.

My room.. My precious room. I'd rather relive that agonizing night than seeing my room this way. At least, I was within the comforts of my sanctuary that time. I usually love storms but not this kind. Not the kind that breaks windows and thrashes my room. I'm still too weak to clean. There's so much to clean…

I remember telling my sisters I wanted to stay up there, in the comfort of my own walls when they came up to take refuge because out of the three of us, I have the coziest and most peaceful room. But the wind up there is louder, full of life. Too much life. Too much anger. The bangs of the loose roofs from the neighbours—and anything that causes an uproar against the howling wind—seem more intense. And we could feel the house tremble at each violent strike of the wind that follows no pattern. Hard. Brutal. Unexpected. My windows are directly facing the direction of the tempest. I figured the most secure room was my little sister's, being the innermost and most secluded spot in the house. As we prepared to go, I held back and said, "But I want to stay here…"

Stormfather. Imagine if I had.. The vaccine wouldn't kill me. Tetanus will, if I don't bleed out to death.

[Originally written: December 16th, 2021]
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