Tomorrow is my Nana's 2nd heavenly birthday, and it isn't easy for me... but I refuse to show any emotion towards my family about it, because they dont bother to comfort anyone.
They are all the same when it comes to some else's emotions... they dont care untill it gets to the last piont, and even then they dont care.
My mother is the worst of all, and I despise her for it.
I cannot even have a simple day without having a screaming match with her about something ignorant that she says, or does, or something small that she makes bigger than it should be...
she is the true deffinition of making a mole hill into a mountain.
and when it comes to my Nana she is worse... and I do try to cut her some slack, because... yes, my Nana is her mother and the only mother she will ever have.
but mother just keeps doing too much, and it honestly emotionally pains me when she does these things.
We are a Catholic family (er well at least my father, his part of the family and I are) and my mother claims to be Catholic, and my sister is still trying to figure herself out.
but I bring this up because, just like any Hispanic Catholic household, there is a big and beautiful picture of Our Lady the Virgin Mary... and around ours, we have small Christmas lights that we bought one year for decor and never took down because they accent her picture so well.
so the lights are like a materialistic gift that we decided to give Virgin Mary for her picture... and not to long ago my mom and I were doing autumn decor for the mantel and I thought the fake leaves that we were stringing with fairy lights would be nice framed around Virgin Mary's picture... so I suggested that we should this year swap out her lights and just place the others back in place when Chrismas rolls back around...
and my mother told me one thing that made me have to bite my tounge till it bled.... she said
"No, because those lights are for your Nana!!"
- I'm sorry... WHAT?!?!
the lights that we have had around the Virgin Mary for 4 years now are now my Nana's who has just passed away last year?????.
I had to hold my tounge, but before I did I couldn't help but burst and say
"I thought those lights were for La Virgencita???"
she just shrugged me off and said
"They are... but now they are for your Nana too because she never liked the dark."
at that point I walked out before I barked anything else at her... cause I was not about to have an arguement about religion and my Nana's death...
and with my mother, if you are crying about my Nana, she has to be the inconsiderate person to be like
"Well you never did anything for her, and I was always the one to take her to her doctors and to pay for her bills and give her rides to the grovecy store."
knowing good and well she complained every time about it, and good an well that she ignored plenty of her calls and txts...
she only took her when there was no one else to take her, because she felt obligated... not because she wanted to... and because my dad had to convince her plenty of times to take care of her, because his mother is in Mexico and he cant phyaically take care of his mother, so he is going to do his best to care for the mother he has here.
I have lost my empath touch after my closest friends suicide... because that was a pain just the same as loosing family... and I still have nightmares about it...
and with my Nana... I was left alone with her body for half an hour because the nurse was being a bitch and kept trying to find any excuse to get her out of the room..
I didnt know what to tell her... or how to speak to her... I had already told her everything when she was alive.. I may have not has much contact with her very often, but I was always sure to tell her all of my best days and proudest moments when they happened.
I love my Nana and I always will.😔❤
sometimes I just wanna have someone to cry on...but at the same time, that never ends well for me..
so I am going to give you all a smile and say
Merry Christmas 💫
Happy Holidays 💚
and I hope you all make beautiful memories 🙏🏻
Loading...