October 17, 2021

Dear Diary,

Today we finally figured out why her mom doesn't like me. 

She said it's because I have no initiative in life, that I'd rather sit alone in my room than go out and do the things she enjoys. She says that she'd be better off with someone that has the same crazy for life drive. 

I wonder if she's right? Maybe she would be better off with someone that has that kind of drive. I'm a relaxed go with the flow type, reserved and non-participating which is literally the polar opposite of her. 

What if in the future she gets even more bored of me? Or someone else comes along and takes her attention off me, someone that's crazy for life and is more out going. 

I've been thinking about that a lot today. I disagree with it, I know I'm a boring person and when I'm on my own yes- I'd enjoy being by myself doing what I want in my room but when I'm with her, everything is about her. I'd enjoy pretty much anything with her and would much rather do whatever she wants rather than sit in my room.

It's disappointing that she agreed with it. She thinks as well that I feel dragged around by her, I'm not sure if I can blame her for that. I'm a bit quiet regardless of how I'm feeling so it's like even when I'm honest about how much I love spending time with her, going places with her, and doing things together she just won't believe me and thinks I'm saying it just to make her happy. 

Don't really know what to do about it. Could be how I just carry myself, I'm quiet, a bit negative and don't show too much emotion even when I'm enjoying life. So I suppose changing that part of me is a start. I need to work on expressing my feelings more. I suppose because otherwise people think I'm just hating my life no matter what I say.

I try communicating but they just aren't listening to my words. Sigh.