Dear Diary,

looking for a job is hard. I just went on my first face to face interview experience and I thought I was going to make it. But I didn't, it was only one of the others that I applied to, but barely got a reply from. 

Everytime I get disappointed, I go to youtube and scroll Lisa Nichols' name to get some motivation. It gives me hope, somehow. But boy, what I would do if i could just afford living- not a high strandard, but just enough to cover the expenses and to save, to be able to rent or whatever. 

The guidance counselor told me not to give up on my dream. I had financial trouble with school and that's why I can't proceed to college. It was a nightmare- I bawled my eyes out, it was a burden I carried day and night. But she told me that one day when I finally get the right position that fits me, I would know why I had to ho through all the messy stuff, and that when I finally will have the opportunity to put myself through college, I will cherish it. 

I didn't know it was something I had to hear. But I know I will never forget what she said to me. I wish that in about one or three years, I can thrive. I can be stable enough to work and take care of myself, because as Lisa Nichols said, she has become so much useful to her family when she was willing to be inconvenienced, to realize that she has to rescue herself first. She faced about 10 years of judgement, and it may be harder than anything I have gone through all my life.

I played that at least 5 times since yesterday and I will willingly listen to that again. Also, this view of my mom looking for a job is heartbreaking. 

I will get a job, and I will learn how to love it.