Dear Maya,
Do you people out there ever get a flashback from a bad time in your childhood that you were ashamed of before and now you just want to hug your younger self?
I remember this one time when I was 8 or 9. I had gotten this geology set for my birthday. Nothing special, just some sandy stuff that contained fake stones inside. But I thought they were real. In school we had this thing were you could show your birthday present when you had your birthday. I took the dtones with me and showed them. I said my mom and dad said they were real. The other kids laughed at me and said they were fake.
I was always ashamed of this memory. Like I wished I wasn't so gullable and starry-eyed as a kid. I got bullied a lot for just being myself. Nowadays I look back on those things and I wish I could've enjoyed my innocence more. I wished those people would've just smiled and said they believed me. Like that one time my mom told me I had golden hair and I believed her and told people. You just had to act disgusted, didn't you? But now, if I would've been there, I would've protected myself. Who were they to make me be ashamed of every thing I ever did? Still now, I am afraid to make mistakes, because I fear that I will be ashamed of myself in the future. I am ashamed to show the real me even though I love the real me. I like weird people so why don't I like myself enough to let me be weird? My internet friends like the real me. (Don't worry, I did a background check.) They never judge.
I never hurt anyone intentionally either. I am really forgiving towards others but I wish I could forgive myself for those stupid little mishaps. For all those times people looked at me like I grew a second head. For all those times I told to much abouth myself and it left me worrying about the trustworthyness of others. I want to be able to dress like I own myself. Not like the opinion of others own me.
That was all. I needed a little bit of venting.
May the butterflies announce your entrance when you enter a room.
-Reader91.