June 07, 2021#long rant

 

I feel strangely satisfied and proud of myself in certain ways. I have come a long long way to where I am now. So I wonder whether everyone older than me has gone through more or less the same path as I am. But nope. Not everyone. Especially not the older ones. It baffles me. I want to laugh at their faces and also tsk at them for missing out on a lot of things. 


All this while I have been thinking that it's my own hardwork and character that has made me who I am today. Recently I have realized that isn't completely true and it contributes only to a certain extend. The rest of it, majority of it, has to do with my parents' guidance.


 Dad never advices or anything but I get what he's trying to say or do somehow. He wants to help people who are in need. Never raises his voice at mom or me and my brother. God fearing but not obsessed with them. 


Mom feeds me with everything that's going around. And what I should do or think. I used to get annoyed before. Now, since I know what are things I should actually let to pass through my mind and what should be held back, I'm never annoyed by her mom behavior. 



That has gotten me to a better place. I don't have to feel worthless no more, thinking that I'm doing certain things only to impress others to prove my worth. I'm super proud to do them for my own happiness and welfare. 


While there's this person whom I thought vibed with me is the total opposite. She does a lot of things to impress others. Fulfilling her childhood dreams in her adulthood and expecting others to join her and fulfill for her. If they fail to do so, she gets mad. I mean, she's married and got a son for fssake. I don't care what she likes and dislikes but she gotta respect her family bond and partner too. If not then why did you agree to take upon this huge responsibility. 


The amount of respect and effort she  takes to impress her friends, neighbors and colleagues could be shown to her husband, at least 1/4th of it. 


But it doesn't change my way of approaching her though. I talk to her normally. Be kind to her. Don't throw advices her way. 


Deep down I  know that she'll come out of this phase soon. 


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